Bloodied Rain
by addictedtomarbles
Summary: Complete: Hakkai attempts suicide and in doing so triggers off events that will hurt the person closest to him. 58
1. Chapter 1

After all my problems, I finally overhauled this first chapter. Hurrah. AT some point this will be completed  
  
Disclaimer: Wish it did but I don't  
  
Bloodied Rain --------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
It's raining. It's raining so hard that it drums on the roof and itlet me know that I was still alive. I'm now sitting those pretty, oh so pretty, gardens of the inn, letting the rain soak my skin and not caring about the wind or feeling miserable. Rain always reminds me of things I don't want to think about. Lots of raindrops running down, like blood, like tears. Her tears  
  
Kanan.  
  
I loved her so much it hurt . but it was passionless. I would have done anything for her and expected nothing in return. I wanted to look after her and she let me do so without question. This made me happy. All the devoted love and hot passion in the world would have meant nothing to me if I couldn't look after her. My innocent. She was child-like, an innocent, and I wanted to keep her that way.  
  
And so did she.  
  
Gojyo and I had a discussion once after much liqueur, beer, and sake and he had wondered what sex with someone whom you were devoted to was like. He said he had never had sex with someone he truly loved deeply. I couldn't tell him. In fact, I feigned illness before I could even attempt to answer that.  
  
Because I had never had sex with anyone I truly loved.  
  
Oh yes, I adored her and love her with all my heart, but never that way. Never the way that makes your blood warm just to look at each other. We did make love a couple of times. Each time I felt so happy beforehand but then afterwards; so dirty and wrong. The first time was the first time for both of us and after that it rarely happened again because there was nothing to feel and the look on her face nearly broke my heart. The fact that she was my sister never really entered the equation. I loved her so much and yet every time we made love I felt I was sullying something precious. So, I stopped. I devoted my energies into my teaching and she remained the sweet child-like woman whom I remained utterly devoted to.  
  
But still .  
  
I envy Gojyo with his ability to gain comfort and love from one-night stands and good food and drink. I envy Goku with his rapturous pleasure every time Sanzo even blinks at him or food arrives. I envy Sanzo for accepting everything without fear or guilt. He once confessed his physical weakness, but his mental strength surpasses him. I want his strength of heart. I don't tell the others this, because it would worry them. To them I am always the calm one. The teacher. The mother. The healer. Despite the anguish with Chin Isou, I never let my mask drop all the way. Instead, I hurt those whom I was supposed to protect.  
  
Sanzo. Gojyo. Goku. Hakuryu.  
  
Gojyo tried to talk to me after that. After Goku had extended my lifelines with the marker pen, he tried to help me, talk to me. I deflected him, closing off my open wounds before he could reach them. Only Gojyo knew, he knew the look on my face before I covered it up; he always sees me in the morning. I'd like to talk to Gojyo now, during our trysts, and learn how to be mentally strong. I want to seek comfort in another's arms as he - and many waitresses chambermaids and others - has done. But I couldn't. Despite my lack of physical love with Kanan, I felt like I would be betraying her blessed memory. I have betrayed her memory. I have sought another.  
  
Betrayal.  
  
I hate what I have become. I have become an empty shell, ever defensive and unwilling to open up to anyone, even those whom I care about so deeply. More to the point I seem only to cause them pain. I'm obsessed with someone who killed herself before I could save her and I failed her even before by resorting to cold-blooded murder. This is why I sit here in the rain. It is fitting punishment for someone who failed in a mission he didn't even have. I run my hands across the scar on my stomach and know what I'm going to do is the right thing to do. It is justified. Justified.  
  
The knife.  
  
It would all go away if I could do it. I would release myself from this pain and others from the burden, which should be mine alone. I would see her again, even if I was consigned to the lowest flames of Hell, I may just be reunited with her briefly. I don't know. I don't care. Besides, it is kinder this way. All the pain would go and they would not worry. No one would miss me. Another healer is easy to find and one that isn't so afraid of life would be better. It's simple it's quick and no one would mind. I could die with grace as Cho Hakkai and atone for Cho Gonou. I have repented as best I can and now my slate needs to be wiped completely clean. In it will go and out I will go.  
  
-------------------------------------- A/N: Now that looks a little better! I always love reviews as well ^_^ 


	2. Chapter 2

The second chapter, yay. Thanks for the reviews. Off we go, standard disclaimer applies as always ___________________________________  
  
I left the bar quite early leaving the monk drinking with the saru and the dragon eating. I had started before him anyway and was feeling more than a little sodden from an earlier short-lived relationship with a large bottle of wine. A cute little barmaid had given me the eye in front of Sanzo, before I had left and I been pleased at the excuse to leave, despite his rolled eyes. I had told her that I would be up as soon as I had grabbed a few things. Really, I was going to check on Hakkai and stay the night with him. He had left the dinner table early, mumbling something about going to bed.  
  
He hadn't looked good.  
  
I climbed the stairs easily, knowing that I had a good excuse to visit him as well because I had deliberately left my lighter up there and was now gagging for a cigarette. The surly bastard monk downstairs wasn't giving any free flames and so I would have to go get it myself if I wanted a smoke. Still, Hakkai should be up and around; it was still early. Hopefully he'd be lying in bed, clamouring to be held, kissed and made love to before we slept. I came to the door of our room and knocked first.  
  
There was no reply. I left myself in, dramatically covering my eyes and waving my other hand in front of me shouting 'you'd better not be doing anything naughty' but he wasn't there. In fact the room was utterly spotless. I knew we had left it messy before we had all gone to the bathhouse and then gone straight to dinner so the saru wouldn't miss the first course. Hakkai had done a good job of tidying though: folding down the futon sheets and folding clothes, even emptying the ashtray and leaving my lighter in plain view. He was always so careful about these things. Always there and always thinking of you.  
  
But he wasn't there at all. He had left every sign he had been there but no clue as to where he had gone. He couldn't have gone far, his shoes were neatly paired and sat near the door with a sock tucked in each. Somehow, this worried me. Even more so was the folded pile upon his futon of his green over-shirt and lilac sash with his shiny monocle resting neatly on top. He would be just wearing his undershirt and trousers. I looked all over for some evidence of where he had gone. He left me nothing.  
  
Damn your niceties Hakkai. Give me a clue here.  
  
I was definitely worried about him now. Last time he wandered off on his own, I got blasted by Chin Isou and it scraped away yet another level of his sanity. I didn't want to let something like that happen again. I leant against the wall and tried to remember what he had said earlier, searching my memories for a clue of where he could have disappeared to, especially without eyeglass, shoes or shirt.  
  
The gardens.  
  
He had mentioned the gardens before, about how pretty and tranquil they were. That seemed the only logical place for him to go, the town was in the sticks and the gardens were the only bit of greenery and Hakkai had always loved his nature. I went to the window and then saw the rain falling. That explained why Sanzo had been so moody at dinner and more of a bastard than usual. Rain always sent the pair of them off the scale and this rain was truly torrential. I couldn't imagine Hakkai being out there, but he could easily confuse us all simply by being out the rain. I decided to go for a look-see and went back down the stairs.  
  
I was right. The gate to the gardens was swinging merrily open in the wind and the rain hit me like a slap to the face. Hakkai had certainly chosen a good night for a walkabout. I cursed as it soaked my hair and clothes virtually instantly. I looked around for Hakkai.  
  
Where the fuck are you .  
  
Then I spotted him. There was a white lump of youkai by the largest willow tree. He was curled into a ball, lying on the ground like a smashed toy, one arm lolling ahead of him. The scene looked like it had been lifted from a cheap daytime drama. I thought he was sleeping at first, but then I saw the knife glittering in the rain just a few centimetres away from his fingers. Blood was being washed off it and soaking into the ground. I stopped . stunned.  
  
"Hakkai?" I shouted at him, walking across the grass like I was wading through quicksand.  
  
I can't believe this is happening. He said he was okay, he swore he was okay. I reached him and pushed his hair away from his face and touched his shoulder to awaken him, still clinging onto the foolish hope that he had just cut a finger accidentally or something stupid like that. I tried to pull him upright but my hand came back sticky and red. Hakkai opened his eyes and stared back at me. Those intense green eyes swam with tears. His face was also painted with guilt at being discovered.  
  
"You weren't supposed to come." He murmured distantly. "Go away . I don't want you to see me like this. "  
  
My heart dropped when he said that. He had planned this, more to the point he had been simply hoping to disappear and that I wouldn't notice. It only took a second look at his expression to realise where he had stabbed himself. He'd naturally gone right through the scar. Blood was oozing everywhere and it was making me feel nauseous. I grabbed hold of him and tried to heave him upright. He moaned loudly.  
  
"Let me stay. I have to die. It's the right time."  
  
"Fuck it is!" I shouted at him. I was searching my soul for the calmness that had taken over years ago when I had found him sprawled on the ground with his guts hanging out. It wasn't there, only this sense of panic. I didn't want to lose him, but why couldn't I shake this anger? Angry at myself for leaving him on his own, anger at him for thinking no one cared and angry because I couldn't remain calm.  
  
You know him now. You love him now.  
  
I hauled him up into my arms and his head lolled back dangerously. More blood seeped through his shirt and onto my own clothes.  
  
"Don't you dare die, Hakkai!" I yelled at him, slapping him across the face. Two glazed over green eyes opened and he let out a sob that melted my heart. I couldn't believe what he had done. He seemed happy enough when we had come into town and I thought that Chin Isou's final death had exercised some mental demons .. obviously not. The only positive thing now was that he seemed to have only cut himself once and it didn't seem as deep as it had been three years ago. I kicked the knife away in fury and started to run out of the garden. I had to find Sanzo; he'd know what to do.  
  
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A/N: How was that? A bit pants really but I shall persevere 


	3. Chapter 3

Yet another chapter . and not a happy one I'm afraid. Apologies for any spelling mistakes. However I did sort out the problem ff.net had with my computer though.  
  
Disclaimer: Wish I did . but if wishes were fishes the ocean would be empty  
  
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Chapter 3  
  
"What the fuck?" was Sanzo's opinion as Gojyo slammed open the dining room doors soaking wet and holding Hakkai in his arms, both their bodies splashed with blood. He went to go to him, but the other groups of diners looked on in horror and blocked his view. Not only had the taboo man returned but also he had committed murder. One woman screamed and pointed at him.  
  
"Murder!" she shrieked. "He's killed that man!"  
  
Gojyo spun around in horror, hauling Hakkai closer to his chest, and shocked to find the diners advancing on him.  
  
"No! You don't understand!" he shouted. "He's been hurt, he needs help!"  
  
One of the men pulled out a gun and levelled it at him. Gojyo couldn't react; he was still clinging onto his bleeding friend. He looked around frantically for someone. The man holding the gun spoke.  
  
"A likely story. A fucking half-breed like you needs to be shot." Gojyo growled. "Say that again and I will rip your fucking head off!" he shouted. "Sanzo! Goku! For fucks sake! Help me here!"  
  
Sanzo was shoving his way through the rapidly gathering crowd, his gun drawn and cursing a blue streak. Gojyo's voice was faltering and Sanzo instinctively knew he was doing nothing because he was holding Hakkai. The half-breed would rather lay down his own life than give up Hakkai's. He elbowed some random out of the way, only to have his arms wrenched behind him by the huge chef who had welcomed them when they had first arrived.  
  
"Stay out of the way if you want to be safe!" snapped the chef wrenching his wrist and the gun dropped to the floor. "A Sanzo shouldn't associate with such a being."  
  
Sanzo fought against him, unleashing a string of curses.  
  
"Don't fucking touch me!" he snapped, trying to pull free and grab his gun. There was suddenly silence from those nearest him. Sanzo tried to pull free again. The man's grip was strong and his voice rumbled as it rang out.  
  
"A Most Revered Sanzo has been corrupted!" he shouted. "The taboo one must be killed, he has corrupted one of the most holy ones."  
  
Sanzo was stunned by this and snorted in sarcastic laughter, not bothering to struggle anymore.  
  
"It would take a lot for that fucking kappa to corrupt me! . Don't fucking touch me!" he shouted, reverting to his struggles wondering how the hell a human could have so much raw strength. He was manhandled away by two others shouting curses at the top of his voice.  
  
Goku had more luck and was pushing through the crowd easily, using the familiar technique of being short. Gojyo was being backed into a wall and the smell of Hakkai's blood was leading Goku straight to him. He used his mighty strength to push forwards and leapt nimbly in front of Gojyo and the unconscious Hakkai.  
  
"Where's Sanzo!" he said, spreading his arms to protect his companions. Gojyo gave a shrug and jolted as he finally backed into the wall.  
  
"Heard him swearing." He said. "He can take care of himself . Hakkai's hurt. badly. We have to get him out of here." He dodged a sudden blow. "Why have these crackpots acted up now? They were fine earlier."  
  
"Don't know. Why do they want you anyway?!"  
  
"I don't know! We can't kill them. They haven't done anything wrong. I can't summon Jakujou either."  
  
Goku kicked out carefully, trying not to hit any of the crowds of people, just make them step back. He was sure there hadn't been this many dining when they had been eating. The people smelled intoxicating, a sour smell of sweat and fear. Their eyes were also tinged with hysteria; he had never seen anything like it. He wanted to summon nyoi-bou but couldn't justify lashing out at these frightened humans. He put out his hands and shoved against the people.  
  
"You gotta move!" he shouted. "He's really hurt!"  
  
A short stocky woman grabbed his arm and pulled him into the crowd. Goku struggled but didn't want to harm her from his thrashing. He looked to Gojyo who was utterly torn between attacking them to make an escape but loath to cause anymore damage to Hakkai. He also had his hands full, so couldn't summon his own jakujou. Goku went to go to him, but there was shot behind him that he recognised instantly, having heard it so many times.  
  
"Sanzo!" He shouted and took off through the crowd, shoving his way through them, desperately trying to get to his rescuer.  
  
Gojyo was stuck now. Blood was drying on his hands and he saw no feasible way out without hurting people or dropping Hakkai. His head was spinning wildly with animalistic ideas of escape. There was a huge hulking man coming closer than the others and Gojyo clutched Hakkai tighter, feeling more warm blood seeping through his vest.  
  
"Stop this. I haven't done anything wrong!"  
  
What have I done wrong? What's wrong with me? She's holding the axe again. The colour of blood. The colour of blood.  
  
Gojyo's split second daze gave the crowd chance to act. Hakkai was wrenched out of his arms with a moan and borne away before he could react. Gojyo screamed and leapt forwards, desperately trying grab Hakkai's dangling wrist. Fingernails scraped skin and Gojyo tripped over. He saw Hakkai being handed over to group of women. The huge man was in his way and caught him by the wrist.  
  
"The forbidden one tries to escape. He must not live!" came the loud shout and Gojyo's arms were wrenched rigidly behind him. He kicked out in fury but only succeeded in having his legs were pinioned down and strapped tightly together. He was hoisted into the air amid the crowd's hysterical shouts.  
  
Forbidden one. Taboo. Death.  
  
"What the fuck! Put me down!"  
  
Gojyo really didn't understand why they were doing this. He could *almost* understand people's horror at him being a half-breed and trying to avoid him, but this witch-hunt was just damn strange. Stranger too; that they hadn't acted when the Sanzo-ikkou had arrived. He couldn't give a toss about himself though; he was fighting to see what they had done with Hakkai. He used his body to twist the grip of those holding him and he tumbled to the floor. One frantic pull snapped the restraints on his legs and he leapt back up like a frightened animal: eyes wide, body taut, ready to run.  
  
Must find Hakkai. He's badly hurt and tried to commit suicide. Must find Hakkai.  
  
Then the world tipped sideways and went black.  
  
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A/n: Yet another chapter, sorry for all the angst! It will have an ending eventually. 


	4. Chapter 4

It's takes me ages to update this one simply because I don't like very much. Character abuse has never really been my thing, but here it goes again. Sorry for any spelling mistakes or overwhelming crapness. My other two fics are much better!  
  
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*********** Gojyo's leaning over me, his crimson hair is falling into my face and his lips brush gently over mine. He's removing my clothes so carefully and lightly that I hardly notice. I've pulled off his shirt and he's smiling at me and running his fingers over the disfiguring scar Chin Isou made so long ago. I flinch and he puts a single finger to my lips. "Don't be afraid, I like it. It's beautiful."  
He waits for me to relax and I do so very slowly. He continues to run his hands down and I release a breath I don't even realise I've been holding. He always knows exactly which spots to go for that drive me wild. His inquisitive fingers are snaking up my thigh and I gasp as his rough tongue drags itself down my chest. "What about Goku and Sanzo?" I whisper urgently, knowing that they probably aren't far away. Gojyo lifts an eyebrow and smiles before dragging his tongue down. "I can stop." He says softly, letting shimmering strands of flaming hair caress me. I can already feel myself moan and arch towards him. Of course, I don't want him to stop but that's the whole point of why he's pausing. He always likes me to beg him, likes to hold me at my most vulnerable. "No." I whisper, pleading for urgency, the need to be satisfied overtaking my worry about our travelling companions. He gives me a heart-warming smile and moves his tongue to where I so desperately want - no, need - it and I arch even more giving the gasps I know he loves to hear.  
I feel his fingers gently sliding upwards, requesting entrance and I relax and let them in. The feeling is wonderful and I wonder how he can be so gentle doing this and yet so fierce in his fighting. I lose myself in daydreams and languid pleasure until Gojyo gently sliding into me brings me out of it. I give a quiet whimper but then move slowly with him, marvelling at the changing sensation from pain to pleasure.  
We start to move faster, both making the kind of noises I haven't heard for so long. I'm in raptures and I run my hands down his face and body, trying to pull him closer than he already is. He captures one of my fingers between his lips and bites down gently and I give a shuddering sigh. "Your hands are beautiful." He whispers.  
Kanan always said my hands were beautiful. I miss her so much. Gojyo understands this and helped me come out of my guilt in his own way, letting me follow him and come to him when I was ready. Our lovemaking always reminds me of hers and mine so long ago; always so loving and sweet and yet with that subtle hint of passion. I'm now looking into his ruby-coloured eyes, seeking the loving gaze before I reach my point.  
Instead, I only meet fear and anguish. He looks so hurt and angry, his red eyes almost aflame. We've broken apart now and he's flung me away. I'm falling now, broken and bleeding. I can see Kanan stood by him and I'm reaching for her, desperately trying to reach her crying out for her to help me. She is crying and my heart breaks in two. I call to her again but she turns away from me. Gojyo looks at me once, a desperate look of betrayal then turns away too, walking away from me and holding a knife in his hand. Now I'm falling at speed and it's raining all around me, but it's the colour of blood and I feel pain .. such intense pain ..********  
  
Hakkai jerked awake with cry of anguish, followed by another of shocked as pain lanced through his stomach. He wrapped an arm around his abdomen and was shocked when his arm met a thick layer of white bandage. His scar was throbbing painfully in time with his heartbeat. He clung to the bed he was lying on and tried to catch his breath back and dismiss the rising nausea. He felt disorientated by the darkness of the room, not remembering how he got there.  
  
"Hakkai?" came a familiar voice cutting through his rapidly rising panic.  
  
"Sanzo?" he answered, choking back the bile that was bubbling up in his throat. He was trying to disguise the fear in his voice as he saw that his clothes were covered in dried blood. "Where are you?" he asked shakily, staring around him.  
  
"In the corner. The stupid, stupid, fucking idiots have chained me to the wall." His voice sounded more than irritated.  
  
"Where's Goku and Gojyo?" he asked, blindly trying to see around the dark room.  
  
"Goku's out with a strong sleeping draught they forced down his throat. There's a lamp by the bed, I think. My lighter's in my back pocket; get some light in this damn hellhole."  
  
Hakkai reached out blindly, and ignoring the throbbing of his wound. He didn't know what else to do other than to obey Sanzo, remembering nothing of how he got here or why he was wounded, his memory throwing up no enlighteners. He felt tentatively around him until he grasped what felt like a table leg. He felt upwards until he grasped a glass bulb with curved metal brackets holding it in place, which must be the lamp.  
  
"You have to keep talking, Sanzo, I can't see you." He said softly. "What about Gojyo? Why are we here? What happened to us?"  
  
"You don't remember?" asked Sanzo, and then at Hakkai's silence continued, his eyes searching the darkness for Hakkai. "I have no idea, actually. The kappa came in, shouting for help, with you in his arms and bleeding all over the place. Then all these fucking people turned up baying for blood." He paused as Hakkai reached him and blindly fumbled in his back pocket finally grasping the lighter and pulling it out.  
  
"I don't remember anything . only despair like I've never felt before." Hakkai murmured, lighting the lighter and holding it close to the lamp to see how it worked. He expertly removed the glass bulb with one hand and lit the wick as carefully as he could and put the lighter down. He then put the lamp back together with the same care and looked around in the gathering light.  
  
Sanzo was indeed in the corner, in place by a length of chain that bound his gloved wrists together. The chains had then been hooked to the wall keeping his arms high in the air and his feet barely touching the ground so he could only swing a little and gain no leverage. He wasn't injured at least, although his robes were piled up on the floor near the bed, which would have displeased him even more than a beating.  
  
"They were after Gojyo." Said Sanzo matter-of-factly. "Gods know why. They kept ranting on about him being taboo." He gave a short barking laugh. "They think he's corrupted me and forced himself on you and is out the destroy them or something stupid like that."  
  
Hakkai was stunned and put the lamp down with trembling hands for fear of dropping it. He had no reply for Sanzo's revelation. The town had seemed quite normal and their reaction to Gojyo had been a few stares but most of the stares seemed to encompass the strange party as a whole. True in some of these extremely superstitious backwater towns, Gojyo did warrant attention, but Hakkai hadn't noticed anything out of the ordinary this time. There certainly hadn't seemed any brewing mobs. The fact that they knew about his and Gojyo's tentative secret relationship was more shocking. Both of them had gone out of their way to try keep it secret.  
  
"How? . What? . Where is he? How did they do this?" he asked in a burble, coming over to release Sanzo, trying to work out just how they had got him up there.  
  
"Short answer . I don't know." Sanzo said, gritting his teeth as Hakkai grabbed him around the waist. The brunette winced in pain himself at the strain on his wound but managed to lift Sanzo gently into the air, letting him unhook his restrained wrists. Hakkai let him down then swiftly unwrapped the thick chains, flinging them aside and doing a quick check for breaks. Sanzo rubbed at the bruises around his gloves, trying to get feeling back into his numbed hands.  
  
"Where's Goku?" Hakkai asked, running a hand across his stomach gingerly testing the wound for any reopening.  
  
"In the other corner. They force-fed him a draught, the bakasaru couldn't fight it; he'll be asleep for hours." Sanzo said calmly. He looked at Hakkai out of the corner of his eye; the man was shaking as he bent down to Goku who was balled up, making the customary rumbling snores of a heavy sleeper. "I heard them talking about it. They fed you something too, they put it in the wine you had at dinner."  
  
Hakkai stared at him, forcing his foggy mind to remember. He had drunk several glasses of the wine and then felt a little queasy towards the end of the meal, blaming the bumpy journey and lack of sleep. He had left the table and gone back to their room intending to take a nap and recover before the others finished. He had started tidying their room up and getting ready to lie down. The next thing he knew he was on his knees in the gardens in the pouring rain clutching at his hair and his chest. Hakkai's thoughts flooded back to him.  
  
******** Oh god. I thought I had nothing with Kanan. That I didn't love her truly. I betrayed her precious memory. My memory of her in times when I was truly happy. Oh god. I wanted to kill myself. I had the knife from the pack and used it on myself. I never thought of Gojyo at all, but he came and found me and tried to help me. I tried to shut my own lover out, the very lover I took to comfort him as much as me. I tried to destroy my memories of everything. It overwhelmed me and yet he found me. I'm falling away from everything again and this time is by my own doing. She died. He's died. Why do I kill everything? I can't breathe.I can't breathe.******  
  
A slap hit him across the cheek and brought him hurtling back to reality. He was on his knees staring at his hands, which he could have sworn had been swathed in blood a second ago.  
  
"For fucks sake Hakkai get some control, stop acting like a fucking psychopath!" came the angry hiss.  
  
Hakkai blinked up at Sanzo, his glassy eyes regaining focus.  
  
"I'm sorry." He said softly. "Where is Gojyo?"  
  
"I don't know. They dragged him away shouting." Sanzo didn't want to say that Gojyo had gone quiet remarkably quickly.  
  
"Can we get out?" asked Hakkai, reaching down and gathering Goku into his arms. The boy gave a light snore and adjusted easily to the new position. Sanzo got down on his knees and reached under the bed to reclaim his gun and sutra.  
  
". They thought they could hide them. Bloody fools."  
  
He then reached over and pulled his robes back on, carefully tying the sash and righting himself; feeling a lot more comfortable now. This was who he was and there was no way he was leaving this place without his property. He slung the sutra across his shoulders and calmly reloaded his gun relishing the clicking noise as each bullet entered the chamber. He then spun around and aimed it at the lock on the door and fired three times in quick succession. The door handle sagged on its hinges and Sanzo turned back to Hakkai who was staring blankly at him, for once at a loss of what to do.  
  
"Now we can. Let's get out of here."  
  
A/N: yet another chapter. Once again apologies. I'd love reviews though, for my other fics if you have any time on your hands. If anyone has writers block though, listen to music from DNAngel, inspires you like you wouldn't believe. 


	5. Chapter 5

First of all thanks for the reviews. Sorry for all the angst and suffering and I know that Hakkai is acting ooc about his relationship with Kanan but I promise it will all be remedied in the end, I assure you I'm not that heartless.  
  
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Gojyo came around to a throbbing headache and a parched mouth. His whole body ached an all too familiar ache; he had been beaten recently. He licked his lips and tried to move upright. His hands were bound tightly behind him and his legs were strapped firmly together with stronger bindings than before. He realised struggling was useless for now and took stock of his surroundings. He was in a cell; three walls and a line of bars and cold air breezed in from somewhere making him shiver. He rolled onto his side and managed to wriggle his body into a sitting position.  
  
"Where am I?" he murmured out loud trying to fight off the dizziness.  
  
"Don't move, taboo one, preparations are being made for your trial." Came a harsh voice.  
  
"My trial?" asked Gojyo hazily, turning his head in the general direction of the voice, pulling at his wrists, yes they were definitely stuck fast; he couldn't even summon jakujou. He saw a black robed figure standing by the bars, with a hood covering his eyes and face. Gojyo sensed the hatred radiating from him "What the hell have I done?"  
  
The robed man moved closer to the bars  
  
"A group of forbidden ones murdered half our townspeople three years ago. Not humanely either. They strode into our quiet town with a group of deranged youkai and they looted our town for everything they could get. We let them, afraid for our lives but they still strung people up for their own vicious pleasures and they left them struggling for days, laughing at their plight. Men women and children left to die and those of us who tried to get them free were killed on the spot. When they finally left, when we had nothing else to give, we vowed that these monstrosities of life couldn't live. You should never have been born and we have been chosen to remedy that."  
  
"But I'm no psychopath!" protested Gojyo struggling to his knees, immediately incensed by the accusations. He was heartily sick of hearing them, his whole childhood had been plagued with jibes over his colouring, but there was a greater concern on his mind. "What have you done with my friends?"  
  
"Your hostages have been released and your corruption of them is evidence." The robed figure spat. "We are here to take you to your trial."  
  
Gojyo lifted one crimson eyebrow critically, this was not sounding good.  
  
"What kind trial is it if I'm already considered guilty?" he asked caustically.  
  
"The people need to see you exposed as the monster you are." Retorted the figure. Gojyo looked down at the dirty floor in confusion, why couldn't people just leave him alone? Couldn't people see that his colouring meant nothing? How in hell was he going to convince them otherwise? The figure made to leave and Gojyo suddenly realised what he had called his companions before.  
  
"Wait. Hostages?!" he forced his reluctant body to shuffle towards the bars, even his adrenaline-enhanced strength not snapping the leg bindings.  
  
"Yes, your hostages." Said the figure walking past him and rapping three times on a door.  
  
Gojyo wriggled to the wall of his cell and used it to push himself back onto his feet, relieved to find that he wasn't as hurt as he thought. He was seriously worried now. Where in hell were Goku, Sanzo and Hakkai? Why were they called hostages? Didn't they see him being smacked on the head by Sanzo's fan when they had booked in? The robed man had said they had been released, which quelled his fear a little but he still didn't trust the man's word. He wrenched at the wrist shackles and got nowhere then started work on the leg straps, wondering idly if he could find something sharp to snap them. He had just managed to work out how the wretched things held him so tightly when the door embedded in the cell bars slammed open and four men in dark clothes strode in and grabbed him.  
  
Gojyo saw their old battered rifles and truncheon-like wooden clubs and thought twice about struggling, but, seeing as his sentence was confirmed, forwent his right to remain silent.  
  
"If you've done anything to any of them, I swear I will kill you! If you have even touched Hakkai I will fucking murder you all!" he shouted as he was dragged out of the cell. One of the guards grabbed a large handful of his hair and yanked back on it sharply, choking off his cries.  
  
"Shut up you disgusting half-breed!" he shouted. "Believe me, I have no qualms about slitting your throat from ear to ear!"  
  
Gojyo shut up.  
  
He was dragged through a stone corridor, which was heavy with silence. He closed his eyes and started worrying about Hakkai who had been wrenched from his arms before. His gentle lover had been so distressed and injured in the gardens that Gojyo was more worried about Hakkai trying to kill himself again, rather than these people hurting him. Sanzo and Goku could take care of themselves, besides they were not the ones that Gojyo shared a bed and a life with, but Hakkai had been in a terrible mental state before and it had actually frightened him.  
  
I should have fought harder. I should have kept him with me.  
  
His musings kept him occupied during the humiliating dragging and distracted him from the increasing pain in his knees as they scraped the stone floor and the tingling in his scalp from where his hair had been pulled before. It was only when bright lights prickled under his eyelids, did he actually open his eyes and look around him. The corridor remained the same; stony and silent, but the silence was broken by a thump at one of the wooden doors nearest to them.  
  
Gojyo jerked his head up and looked around, every fibre of his body tingling with awareness. The guards surrounding him stopped and Gojyo tried to slip his wrists free of the shackles, ready to move away. There was another thump and the robed man spun around, staring at him accusingly, as if he was inciting the noises deliberately. Gojyo ignored him, wrenched his wrist and felt the shackles click. He let out a breath and hoped that this was a good sign of impending freedom. He decided now would be a good time to start protesting again and hopefully create a distraction that whatever was thumping on the door would hear and become louder. He then hoped that the distraction was sufficient for him to escape with minimum of fuss.  
  
"Why all this nonsense?! Just kill me now and be done!" He yelled as loudly as he could. As the words left his mouth, there was a violent blow to his head from one of his escorts, which made him bite through his lip in surprise. He hadn't expected a blow that hard and it throbbed uncomfortably. He then swore silently when the shackles suddenly gripped his wrists even tighter than before, making his wrists tingle. The figure in black-robes turned around to him.  
  
"If you don't be quiet, we will have your precious lover brought out here and beaten before you." He said in quiet tones that only Gojyo and the guards were meant to hear.  
  
Gojyo was shocked. How did they know about the relationship? In his minds eye he saw Hakkai on his knees before him, battered and bruised, tears running down his face and pleading for him - Gojyo, the half-breed, the waste of time and space - to be released. Gojyo gritted his teeth at the image and thought about spitting his mouthful of blood at the man, but another image of Hakkai lying unconscious at his feet swayed him completely from that idea. There was a good chance that this hooded man could actually do what he was threatening to do. Gojyo was torn, but finally surrendered his towering pride and dropped his head in submission with a single hissing breath of sheer frustration.  
  
"And stay that way." Said the robed man, staring at the bowed crimson head with loathing. This was the most high-spirited half-breed he had ever seen. It would take a lot to bring him to justice. He waved his hand at the guards who commenced their striding march.  
  
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A/N: There's goes another one. Thank-you for the reviews, it's really nice having them. 


	6. Chapter 6

Another little chapter, they are so short. Sorry about that, but thanks for the reviews again, they really brighten up my inbox. Disclaimers and stuff apply as per.  
  
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"It won't fucking open!" shouted Sanzo, landing a forceful kick to the stubborn door. Hakkai was shaking Goku gently and force-feeding him water from the pitcher on the floor, but the teen remained reluctantly asleep. It was only when Goku started making snoring noise did Hakkai give up and sit back on his heels. He was trying to stop his hands from shaking and fighting the dizziness that he was sure was from blood loss.  
  
"Is there another bolt or lock?" he asked suddenly, wishing he could call up his ki blasts to destroy the door, but he was still failing in that area,. He wasn't sure whether it was because too tired or too injured, but it worried him none the less. Sanzo was muttering curses under his breath and reloading his gun.  
  
"I think there's a drop-latch on the outside." The monk beat a fist against it then used the butt of the Smith and Wesson, which bounced off the wood harmlessly. He swore again "There are no windows either . Can you blast it?"  
  
Hakkai forlornly shook his head as he stared down at his still-shaking hands that were carefully checking Goku's arms and legs for bruising. He cupped his hands and tried in vain to call up the glowing ball of white energy, with no results. He tried again, this time pouring his entire will into it, silently pleading with his own body to summon his ki energy. Nothing. He only succeeded in making his stab wound throb painfully; it had started bleeding again. Hakkai let out a hiss of pain and frustration and turned to face Sanzo's amethyst glare.  
  
"I still can't summon anything. I'm still too weak."  
  
Hakkai left Goku on the bed and came over with one hand splayed across his stomach, his fingers testing the bandages beneath his bloodstained shirt. The throbbing was dulling now to an ache, so he assumed that he hadn't done too much damage. He knelt down carefully and inspected the door silently, frowning at each part and staring at the hinges, looking for signs of weakness that could be exploited. His wandering fingertips found nothing. He then stopped suddenly; he could hear something on the other side of the door. He stopped his explorations and pressed his ear to the door. Sanzo scowled.  
  
"What's wrong ." he started, but Hakkai put a finger to his lips. Sanzo frowned but put his ear to the door also.  
  
There was rustling and mumbling. Sanzo strained to hear but could catch sounds of a low sombre voice. He felt Hakkai tense beside him and he held his breath, wanting to kick the door down in total frustration. There was a low thumping sound and then nothing. Suddenly the phrase 'why all this crap? Just kill me now and be done' was heard through the door. It was the voice of Gojyo, the voice of an absolutely furious Gojyo at that. Hakkai made an inhuman distressed noise and heaved his body against the door with a loud thump.  
  
***********What are they doing? I can hear Gojyo outside the door. I'm so glad he's not hurt. Why should they want to kill him? He's done nothing wrong. Is this punishment for loving him? Oh gods, I'm falling again and there's no one to catch me. It's raining but it's not rain, it's blood. Why did they take him away? What do they plan to do? It hurts inside. Chin Isou calls to me again and wants me to join him. I can leave. I will be free. Help me. I just want to leave this place and finish what I planned to do before .. Where's the knife? Where is she? Where is he? Where are they?*************  
  
Sanzo beat his fists against the door and then saw that Hakkai had slumped against the door, hyperventilating and raking his nails down his face, leaving dark red scratches that stood out starkly against his blanched skin. His eyes were glassed over in frenzy again and he was mumbling to himself, rocking back and forth in frenzy; his hands spasming wildly. Sanzo reached into his sleeve and pulled out his fan, furious that Hakkai couldn't get hold of himself when he was needed. He brought it down hard on the brunette's head, making a sharp cracking noise and there was a moan from Hakkai beneath him as his mind reset itself.  
  
". Sanzo! . What happened?!" he asked, putting his hands on his head and smudging blood from the scratches across his face. Sanzo slammed his fist against the door in irritation squinting at Hakkai though the dim light.  
  
"That weird-ass draught is still having an effect on you. You keep going off on a fucking breakdown thing. Stop it." He said coldly.  
  
Hakkai ran a hand through his hair and stared at his bloodstained white shirt, almost hypnotised by the lurid red against the white. He really couldn't remember doing anything, other than that the scratches on his face were stinging. He came closer to Sanzo.  
  
"I'm sorry . it's just I felt ." He was cut off by another furious swipe of the fan that snapped his teeth together and made him see stars. He sank down to his knees, staring up at Sanzo with the beginnings of a half-smile.  
  
"Don't even start." Threatened Sanzo, tucking away the fan. "Help me get this damn thing open."  
  
"Wait, what happened to Gojyo?" asked Hakkai trying, fruitlessly, to summon a ki blast again. This time there was a faint flicker of light between his hands. He jumped at the action and tried again, there was that same flicker, but no amount of trying would get it to go beyond that. "Please, Sanzo, what happened?"  
  
Sanzo shrugged.  
  
"Got dragged off." He eyed up the table on which the lamp was sitting on. "We'll use that to break the door down." He snapped pointing at it.  
  
Hakkai nodded, the worry for Gojyo firing up his anger and making him ignore his injuries, his hallucination and his inability to summon his energy. He beat Sanzo to the table, placed the lamp on the floor next to the bed where Goku was still snoring peacefully. He grasped hold of the table legs and hoisted it easily. Sanzo came over and held the other side of the table in battering-ram formation. He was a little perturbed at the stone-cold determination in Hakkai's eyes but at least it was better than the madness-filled staring from before. With Hakkai's silent nod, they then charged at the door.  
  
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A/N: Another up, sorry for delays . and yet more angst. I am determined that this will have a happy ending. ^_^ Thanks for more reviews hug 


	7. Chapter 7

Another update. Sorry it's taken so long, I've actually been doing work for a change. Thanks for the review so far ^-^  
  
Disclaimer: Never have never will  
  
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Gojyo had seen courtrooms in magazines and on television and knew that this definitely wasn't it. He was stood in the middle of the small town square, surrounded by eerily silent crowds who were staring at him with pure venom, the kind of which he hadn't seen since his stepmother. He was still firmly bound, but, as if not wholly convinced of him being helpless, his guards had attached a wide belt to his waist. Gojyo's bound wrists had been strapped to it and two long leashes came out of each side and were held by two of the guards, which kept him rigidly still. The only up side to this was that the wretched straps on his legs had been removed and replaced with simple chains which at least allowed him to feel his feet again.  
  
The black robed man was stood at a lectern with his hood down revealing white hair and a solemn face. The crowds were looking at him with reverence and he was gazing at Gojyo with the now-familiar malevolent look.  
  
"This trial is to hear the crimes of Sha Gojyo." He intoned in a deep commanding voice. "It is the practice of our town to eradicate every half- breed that passes through without hearing. However in the case of this taboo one, we feel our cause is thoroughly justified."  
  
"Is it hell!" yelled Gojyo. "This is fuckin' stupid!"  
  
At his shout the people around him started murmuring. Normally most of the half-breeds they had had killed had been fairly young and had broken instantly without need for trial. They had already known their crimes. This was the first one since the attack on their town who was fully mature and possessed of a ferocious will to live. The robed man noticed the murmurings and couldn't let anything go wrong, he pointed at the struggling half- breed.  
  
"Be silent, forbidden one. Your crimes are so great that the entire town must hear them and judge upon your sentence ..."  
  
"What ... death?!" snapped Gojyo crossly, ignoring the blow to his head. Every time it had happened so far, a small voice in the back of his mind said: Sanzo hits me harder than you ever could. This thought now sent adrenaline running to his veins and he bore the bruise easily.  
  
"Your method of death is what must be decided." Said the black-robed man solemnly, and then paused for silence form the ogling crowd. "Sha Gojyo, you have committed many crimes that we now formally charge you with."  
  
"Oh joy!" Gojyo shouted back, once again ignoring the blow, this time to his shoulders. He had never been so angry.  
  
"The first charge being the imprisonment and wilful corruption of a revered and most honourable Sanzo."  
  
"What!" Gojyo gave a short sarcastic laugh. The very thought of Sanzo needing to be taught how to be a cold, corrupt bastard was hilarious. A savage jerk on the belt that threatened to pop his shoulder silenced him quickly.  
  
"You have intentionally corrupted him. Leading him wilfully in danger and causing him to break his vows. Do you deny this?" the black robed man said. Gojyo noted the crowd stepping away from him, some even clutching at prayer beads in shock. He suddenly realised the people were very religious here; Sanzo and his idiosyncratic approach to his position would have stuck out like a sore thumb. Probably also explained the gung-ho inquisition he was facing now.  
  
"What! That's a bit farfetched." Said Gojyo lucidly. "The damn monk does need any help from me in the corruption stakes I assure you!" he paused, realising again that none of these people had the faintest clue over their journey to the west or the fact that Sanzo was a cold bastard who needed no help in acting like one. This would make it difficult to argue a case, even if he wanted to. The black-robed man continued.  
  
"The forbidden one admits his guilt." He said calmly and Gojyo rolled his eyes theatrically and yanked at his wrists.  
  
"Can't you call the damn monk in as a witness or something? Get him out here!" he snapped ignoring the rough jerk of the belt, which was supposed to silence him.  
  
"We cannot, due to the risks of having your prisoners in close proximity to you, they have been taken away to a safe place. They will be released after the trial and the execution."  
  
Gojyo looked a little relieved at that. At least no harm would come to them. However, that meant that Sanzo, Goku and Hakkai would be released after he was dead. He would die. He wouldn't see Hakkai again. He would be dead. Dead. Gone. Executed. For the first time since this journey had begun, a sense of fear gripped his very soul and he began to panic about dying.  
  
"You can't do this!" he shouted, his voice cracking a little with his fear. The man ignored him and continued talking, his voice becoming more excited. If Gojyo hadn't been panicking, he would quip that the robed man was only doing this to get himself off.  
  
"The second charge is the imprisonment and wilful seduction of one Cho Hakkai."  
  
Gojyo tensed up at the mention of Hakkai. Images of the first night they had spent here where him and Hakkai had found time to make love flashing madly in his head. The phantom Hakkai returned to his mind, this time sprawled on the bed with his regular smile, only this time the smile had contorted into one of sheer seduction that Gojyo had found irresistible at the time. Then, like a flash, the images were killed by the sudden revulsion that they had been found out, that they had been seen.  
  
"How the fuck did you even ..." he started, then paused when he realised what he had said.  
  
"The forbidden one admits it!" the robed man shouted jubilantly over the crowd who were starting to talk louder. "He procured the man for his own vicious purposes, which are unnatural. He has caused a man to remain in the state of sin and for that he will die." The crowd's voices started increase in volume, many of them calling for him to be killed now; even the young children that still clung to their parents were clamouring for his death. The whole scene sickened him.  
  
"But is it a sin if its love?!" screamed Gojyo over the crowds, his voice rising again with terror; his whole body was on a knife edge of fear now. The robed man just stared at him, not saying a word and his eager young assistant who stood next to him suddenly took up the accusing.  
  
"How can it be love if you try and murder them?!" he shouted, the robed man nodded, feeling proud of his apprentice. There were a few gasps from the crowd and Gojyo furiously fought back tears, trying to avoid thinking about the scene in the garden where Hakkai had tried to kill himself.  
  
"I fucking well did not! I wanted help from your people! He needed healing! I needed help!" he said, almost pathetically.  
  
"Well, explain to the court how did he get the stab wound?! There was no- one else in the gardens! He knew of our suspicions and despite our best intentions to protect him, you tried to kill him" snapped the assistant. Gojyo was swept along with this, desperate to prove that he would never, ever harm Hakkai.  
  
"This isn't a court," he murmured. "And he did it to himself." he added, louder this time, hanging his head in sorrow and hiding his stinging eyes. "I tried to stop him. I wanted to help him." He then paused and ran the last phrase the apprentice had said over in his mind. "What do you mean suspicions? More to the point how the fuck did you try and *protect* him?!" he started struggling anew and it took two hard blows to the head to stop him from lunging forwards.  
  
"He was fed a sleeping draught in the wine, nothing more nothing less." Said the robed man slowly.  
  
"He tried to kill himself!" yelled Gojyo. "What the fuck was in that draught?! You hurt him! You fucking bastards!" he jerked in his bonds and struggled furiously. He then received a vicious blow from one of the guards clubs, this time to his back, temporarily winding him and bringing him to his knees.  
  
The robed man started at this. He had known what the side-effects of the draught they had fed to the green-eyed man were, but had not taken them seriously. The suspicions of the one called Hakkai had been the priority: the man had heard others talking and had suspected something was wrong. This had lead to them putting more of the draught in his wine and his food to make him sleep, not really knowing all the side effects. The robed man was worried by this; he didn't want the death of an innocent on his hands, however tainted that innocent may be. He stared back at the quaking half- breed and the sight of the red hair and eyes made him instantly remember his wife's hanging body and the resultant fury killed the merest hint of compassion. He returned to speaking.  
  
"This still doesn't excuse your crimes. Along with these, you are of forbidden birth and lead a licentious life: a life that would indeed be shameful in a non-taboo man, but with your breeding infinitely worse. Therefore, it is our recommendation that you should be put to death."  
  
Gojyo leapt up and lunged forwards, this time ready to summon jaku'jou but the two guards yanked back on the belt and he retched at the pressure.  
  
"Are they okay?" he shouted. "Just tell me if he's okay! You have to!"  
  
"Your hostage was taken care of by our people. He is alive and free of you." Said the guard nearest him who held out the wooden club again and smacked him across the head with it. Gojyo saw stars for a second and then quieted.  
  
"Now be quiet and hear your sentence, forbidden one."  
  
Gojyo sank down onto his knees in exhaustion. He didn't know whether to be happy that Hakkai and the others were okay or start sobbing because he was going to die and never see Hakkai again. The pains running through his body were unimaginable and he loathed himself for what he was. It was a familiar feeling, the feeling of being punished for existing, but his staunch pride would never let him beg for mercy. Yes, he could feel fear and terror but he would never outwardly show it. He could at least die with pride, or if not pride, then he could at least show his annoyance.  
  
"It is our decree that you, Sha Gojyo, will be led from this court and burned before the people until you are dead."  
  
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A/N: Another chapter flies by and writing to the soundtrack form Hellsing is truly inspiring, especially "Shine" (the ending theme) . Thanks for reviewing if you do ^-^ 


	8. Chapter 8

I'm updating again and thanks for all the reviews; once again I've actually been getting work done. Sorry.  
  
Disclaimer: the same old stuff  
  
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The table lay in splinters all around the door and Sanzo was seething with a growing white-hot fury. Both the sutra and his gun had proved useless against the immovable wood and stone and his shoulders hurt from trying to break it down bodily. He had then transferred his attentions to Goku, knowing that the boy's raw strength that could break bones could easily break the door. However, after several attempts to shake the boy awake, all of which had failed, Sanzo had finally sunk down onto the bed lighting his last cigarette in resignation. He glanced to the other member of his party.  
  
"Hakkai?"  
  
**********Where am I now? I'm stood on a plain and its all orange and red. I'm crying out for help and I don't know why. Who am I anyway? I can see someone stood near me and I'm sure it's someone I know. I start to run towards him, holding my arms out, begging him to hold me and kiss me and I don't know why. He turns to me, his red eyes are shimmering – why are they red? - And he is smiling. He starts to move towards me and I swear I'm laughing. Our fingers brush and he is pulled away from me. I scream but it doesn't stop. He is dragged away by dark ropes. I summon blasts and fire them again and again but nothing happens. He calls to me in anguish, and as I run towards him, he bursts into flames. The fire catches his hair and clothes and he's so much pain. I have to save him. I have to save him. I have to.... I know who he is! Gojyo! **********  
  
Sanzo had given up trying to snap Hakkai out of his delusions, which were becoming closer together now, and reverted to the tactic of simply stopping him from injuring himself during them. Hakkai was now huddled up tightly in a corner, his arms wrapped around his knees, rocking back and forth again. This attack was eerily quiet and Sanzo was concerned. The last attack had had the gentle brunette running at the stone walls, bloodying his nose, cutting his forehead, screaming about lovers and hurling abuse at people he thought he could see.  
  
During this attack, Sanzo had pinioned him to the floor and slapped him sharply, frustrated that the oh-so- calm Hakkai could be acting this way. The slap returned Hakkai to his senses but left him looking bemused and distant. For a while he hadn't recognised anyone, until Sanzo had hit him again purely out of frustration than for any real use. Hakkai had then become sane and apologised profusely for his behaviour, but half an hour later, he had set off again.  
  
"Not again." Sanzo hissed. "Hakkai?!" he demanded as Hakkai raised his head. His green eyes were unfocused and glassy again. Sanzo stood up in a defence position, ready to pin him down and slap him back to reality if he needed to again.  
  
Hakkai stood up as if in a daze and turned to Sanzo who stared back, unwavering in his readiness to bring his companion down with force if need be. Hakkai then spun around sharply and clamped his hands over his ears, screwing up his eyes as if in pain. He gave a scream and staggered about, tearing off his bandanna and ripping it to pieces in his hands, suddenly opening his eyes. Tears shimmered in his darkened green eyes and he cried out again, completely wrapped up in hallucinations.  
  
"Hakkai!" Yelled Sanzo crossly and moved forwards to catch the brunette's bloodstained shirt to restrain him. Hakkai let out a bloodcurdling yell and spun away from him, moving his body as if he was trying to avoid standing on the floor.  
  
"I see it! Fire!" he hissed, finally sinking to his knees again and covering his face, sweat beads sparkled across his forehead. Sanzo went to him.  
  
"Hakkai?" he asked, keeping his voice level, the brunette raised his head and stared at Sanzo, breaths heaving out of his body.  
  
"They are going to burn him." He wheezed, his eyes wide with fear and terror; hot tears shimmering on his pale cheeks. "They are going to burn him." He repeated, Sanzo frowned, not really believing him.  
  
"What the fuck? Hakkai, you have to snap out of this." He snapped and stepped forwards to grab his arm but Hakkai shoved him violently back on the bed landing on the insensate Goku.  
  
"I'm going to open the door." He said simply, as if they had been doing nothing these last few hours. "Stand back and give me your lighter."  
  
Sanzo stood back up, handed Hakkai the lighter and reached for his fan, ready to knock Hakkai out if he decided to set fire to himself or something equally stupid. The brunette walked towards the bed and picked up the glowing lamp. There was a murmur and Sanzo turned around. Goku was stirring; having a Sanzo thrown at him appeared to have done the trick. Hakkai stared at Goku then Sanzo.  
  
"Protect him and yourself." He said, his voice seeming normal and even giving a reassuring smile.  
  
Sanzo followed his orders with a grunt and yanked the stirring boy off the bed by his shirt, not wanting to gainsay someone who was talking like he was possessed. Hakkai was a usually a gentle soul, but he still had this dark streak that was reined in only by the three metal cuffs on his ear. Sanzo couldn't be wholly sure if Hakkai was going to stay sane enough to keep his limiter on. Sanzo just wasn't in the mood to deal with a demonic Hakkai right now; it was probably best just to humour him for now, at least until Sanzo was given a chance to act. Besides, with Hakkai's current irrationality taking him over, he might actually find a way of breaking the damn door down.  
  
Sanzo watched in disbelief as Hakkai took the lamp and removed the glass bulb from it, not flinching at all at the feel of hot glass on his skin. He then held the flames of both the lamp and the lighter against the wood frame of the door and watched it catch and start to smoulder. It caught light remarkably quickly and Hakkai stood back watching wisps of smoke start to curl up, utterly hypnotised.  
  
"Burning." He said calmly and turned back to Sanzo and Goku with smoke starting curl around him like claws. "This should work."  
  
Sanzo frowned and kept a fist firmly entwined in Goku's shirt. The golden-eyed boy had opened his eyes by now and was staring at the burning door in horror.  
  
"Hakkai!" shouted Sanzo, coughing on the acrid smoke and drawing his gun, fully prepared to aim a shot. Goku went to run to Hakkai but Sanzo yanked him back. "Don't move." He hissed.  
  
"But Hakkai's gone mad..." Goku said plaintively, confused in his sleepiness as to what was going on. He started to cough on the smoke too.  
  
"Damn you Hakkai, we're fucking choking!" snapped Sanzo.  
  
Hakkai blinked; replaced the bulb on the flaming lamp, handed the lighter back to Sanzo and then went to the large water pitcher moving fluidly. The low flames cast an evil light on his face and his whole expression was normal, yet with this frightening blankness in his luminescent green eyes. He hoisted up the large pitcher above his head and walked back to burning door that was desperately attempting to spread to the whole building. Hakkai then hurled the stone pitcher at the door with little more than a grunt at the weight. There was a sickening crack as water filled stone hit the door at full force and the latch on the other side finally broke with a sickening snap. Sanzo growled, Goku shouted and the door finally creaked open a little, sending a sliver of light into the room. Hakkai turned back to them, a blackened hand held against his eye as if wondering why the monocle was there.  
  
"It's not burning. I broke it." He said softly, and then his knees buckled.  
  
Goku spurred forward and managed to catch him before he hit the floor. Sanzo followed and slapped Hakkai sharply across the face much to Goku's shock. Hell, it had worked before. As if to confirm Sanzo's hypothesis Hakkai opened his eyes again. They wavered madly and Hakkai drew in a deep breath as if fighting away a haze. He closed his eyes then opened them again and this time they were clear and lucid and filled with anger.  
  
"They are going to burn Gojyo." He said matter-of-factly, running the backs of his fingers against the rapidly-appearing handprint on his face. "We have to save him."  
  
Sanzo gave a curt nod, got up and walked to the door checking that the fire had gone out fully. He then landed a kick to the door, which made the stressed stone and smouldering wood give way completely. It crashed down to the floor and Sanzo drew his gun again with a satisfied grunt.  
  
"Let's go and find that fucking kappa so I can blast his ass." He said, his previously forgotten fury flaring back up.  
  
Goku hauled Hakkai completely to his feet and was relieved when the brunette gave him a friendly smile and managed to walk of his own accord. Hakkai never failed to surprise Goku with his abilities and Goku had a sneaking suspicion that Hakkai may even be stronger than him. Right now he just looked worried and Hakkai being worried was never a good thing.  
  
"Where's Gojyo?" He asked, his golden eyes following Sanzo who was exiting the room along with dark wisps of smoke. Hakkai started to run and Goku followed him, still not sure what was really going on.  
  
"I don't know, but we're going to rescue him."  
  
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A/N: Another one goes by, my promise of happy ending looks a little bleak at the moment but it is one the way. The music recommendation this theme is Escaflowne, it's all good but the theme No Need For Promises is still good.Thanks to everyone who has reviewed and the people who have read my other three fics as well. ^_^ 


	9. Chapter 9

Another update. It's a short one too. Sorry. Thanks for the review so far ^-^  
  
Disclaimer: Never have never will  
  
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Gojyo was truly afraid now. He was being dragged towards a wood and stone platform that had a thick shaft of wood in the middle of it in a gross parody of a procession. The guards and the robed man were walking near him and Gojyo was fighting them with his remaining strength. He was exhausted, having not slept and not eaten for so long. He knew that he was existing purely on adrenaline now and it was running through his veins at the terrifying speed.  
  
Kindling was packed all around and underneath the platform, and many of the people were adding to it all wide-eyed with excitement. Some of them were even throwing potent bottles of alcohol into it; the fumes creeping up to his nose. Gojyo was utterly appalled by the sight, even more so that the entire town had turned out to watch to watch him die like some carnival freak show. He struggled and kicked out, managing to plant his feet on the floor and slow the procession.  
  
This didn't make any difference; his keepers simply picked him up and lifted him to the platform. He was then carried bodily to the shaft and cut loose from his bindings. He went to run, adrenaline making his whole body leap forwards like a spring. He went to jump free of the platform, but one guard had grabbed a fistful of his hair and pulled sharply. Gojyo yelped and stumbled backwards. Another two of the men pinioned his arms, making him stumble back and bruise the backs of his legs on the wooden shaft. He let out a cry as they slammed him against the shaft of wood and forced his arms behind him not caring about bruising him.  
  
"Stop it!" he shouted, trying to kick out. "Can't you see who sick and fucking twisted this is!"  
  
A guard laughed bitterly and grabbed his face, sinking his nails in and forcing Gojyo to look at him.  
  
"I tell you what's sick and twisted." He spat viciously. "Having a fucking half-breed string up your own son and shooting anyone that tries to save him. We don't need scum like you."  
  
Gojyo gave a hiss as ropes were wrenched around his wrists making his hands spasm madly. He tried to summon jakujou, trying to feel the sense of his weapon that was part of him, land reassuringly in his hand. He felt nothing; only the pain of his bindings being too tight and not letting him get his weapon. He hated this, as much as he felt sympathy for the people who had lost their loved ones, he was angry that they thought he'd do the same to them purely because of his lineage.  
  
"You're tarring me with the same fucking brush?!" he snapped and felt his blood run cold at the repeated chatter around him that was going on about his hair and his eyes that looked evil. "The only scum I see is a bunch of sadistic bastards who are keeping their head stuck in the fucking past!" he snapped and winced with pain as the guards strapped his legs to the stake, showing no mercy in how tight they pulled the strapping.  
  
The guard who had spoken to him gritted his teeth and slapped him hard across the face. The ferocity of the slap made his head jerk around and Gojyo tasted blood from a split lip.  
  
"Just die." He said coldly and jumped from the platform waving to the clamouring crowd.  
  
Gojyo struggled furiously; using what remaining strength he had against the wooden pillar, hoping to at least splinter the wood or loosen his bindings enough to summon jakujou. People were staring at him and the fool in the robes was chanting some sort of blessing that he couldn't hear and waving a weird-ass sceptre around. Gojyo then saw the assistant setting fire to a torch and handing it to someone. Another torch was lit up and the two people who bore them came to stand at opposite ends of the platform. Goyjo's eyes bulged crazily at the flames, feeling the sheer terror and pure confusion he hadn't felt since he was a teenager at the mercy of his stepmother and his half-brother stepping in and killing her.  
  
"You can't do this!" he screamed blinking away the recurrent images from another time. "I'm fucking innocent! I've done nothing wrong!" His dry voice cracked at the phrase *I've done nothing wrong*, he'd heard and said it too many times to count now. The torches came closer to the wood and Gojyo heard more chanting. His hearing was becoming more distant and his eyesight was becoming blurry.  
  
"Please don't do this." He protested weakly closing his eyes and praying for some kind of miracle to happen.  
  
The people ignored him and plunged the torches into the piles of kindling. The orange flames crackled and burned, licking their way happily across the alcohol and gaining power rapidly. Smoke started rise up around the redhead like a blanket and Gojyo opened his eyes that were shimmering with tears. He hadn't succumbed to tears since this whole thing had begun. He just wasn't the type that cried, but now ... with the knowledge that he was going to die, the tears flowed freely, stinging against the cinders and smoke.  
  
Gojyo pressed himself further against the pillar, his entire body knotted up with terror. He desperately wondered where his companions were, where Hakkai was. He wished the crowds had just shot him through the head; this was going to be so long and painful, and he would be suffering alone. In a way he was glad his companions couldn't see him now, defeated and whimpering in pain, but he would have given anything just to hear Goku's teasing and laughter; Sanzo's cursing and threats; Hakkai's soft voice, Hakkai's caress and most off Hakkai's love. He would have given anything. As the kindling beneath him started to smoulder and his boots started to warm up, Gojyo closed his eyes and coughed weakly.  
  
Hakkai. I don't want to die alone. Please don't let me die alone.  
  
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A/N: Thank you for the reviews that next chapter will be longer the and ball will start rolling, promise. The music recommendation is Saiyuki Image Vocal Album Volume 2. The song Go To The West it simply fantastic. 


	10. Chapter 10

Hello, sorry it took so long, my laptop wouldn't give it back. Thanks for all your reviews and sorry for leaving you all hanging.  
  
Disclaimers and all that to be written here  
  
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"Stop it! ... No! ... Not Gojyo! Please let him go!"  
  
The familiar anguished voice cut through Gojyo's thoughts and he snapped open his eyes that stung and watered from the smoke. Hakkai was sprinting towards him, shoving and pushing his way through the cheering crowds, desperate to get to his lover. Sanzo and Goku were following him.  
  
"Hakkai!" cried Gojyo, who then remembered the earlier threats from the people and the awful pictures in his head returned. They wouldn't hesitate in killing the brunette if he tried to free Gojyo and he couldn't bear that. "No! Stay away. Hakkai, run!" he yelled twisting against the bonds that squeezed his wrists.  
  
Hakkai ignored his warning words, just desperate to reach him and free him, the crackling flames terrifying him as they obscured his view of Gojyo. He spurred forwards ready to jump into a somersault that would clear the flames, but three of the dark-clothed guards grabbed his arms and held him tightly before he could move. Hakkai cried out in frustration, lunging forwards and struggling, not caring as his barely-healed stab wound began to throb and seep blood. The robed man stopped chanting and turned to the furious Hakkai.  
  
"Let him go." Snapped the brunette, his voice dropping to a low, cold tone and his eyes glittering a furious jade. He heard an annoyed yell from Goku behind him as people attempted to restrain the boy and a string of curses from Sanzo as people deliberately blocked his path. "Goku, find Hakuryu!" he shouted and screwed up his eyes, trying to seek the ki energy that served him so well.  
  
The robed man eyed his struggling captive and felt the energy starting to awaken in him. With such ki he could release the taboo one instantly. The man whispered a blessing before bringing his sceptre down on Hakkai's head with a sharp crack. Hakkai cried out and sagged in the arms of his captors but still tried to pull away, ignoring his dizziness and the thin trail of blood that trickled through his hair. The robed man gave a small signal and the two men holding him began to punch him and kick him to get him down to the floor. There was a desperate shout from Gojyo as he saw the blows and heard the cries.  
  
"Leave him alone, you fucking bastard!" he shouted, struggling harder, unable to stand seeing such damage done to his lover. At Hakkai's sudden muffled cry as a blow landed on his stab wound, Gojyo thrust his back against the pillar and forced his legs out, using the pillar as leverage. He heaved his body into the bindings, not caring about his aching ankles, concentrating on saving Hakkai. The bindings enclosing his legs finally snapped under the strain and Gojyo started work on the arm bindings by trying to stride forwards and slip his wrists free, gritting his teeth against the friction.  
  
"Quick, stoke up the fire! The forbidden one tries to escape!" called the robed man, leaving Hakkai silenced, gasping in pain and pinioned to the floor by several guards.  
  
In answer to his demand, one of the women in the crowd threw a bottle of some clear liquid at the dry kindling. There was a popping sound and the kindling started to burn faster. Gojyo stopped struggled and stepped back against the pillar closing his eyes against the burst of flame. He cried out in fear as the flames started to lick at his feet and the heat could be felt through his boots  
  
Hakkai struggled to his knees licking his bloodied lips, suddenly wondering just how blood he had lost over these couple of days. He then shook away all musings as he heard Gojyo's desperate cry. Sanzo then barrelled past him cursing a blue streak but was thrown back by the strengthened flames, jumping away before they grabbed his robes. He nimbly danced back to Hakkai who was weakly trying to get to his feet with his arms still held.  
  
"What they hell is going on?" he yelled, fiercely elbowing the people who were still trying to restrain him. "Fucking murderers!"  
  
Hakkai didn't answer him; he was being restrained by his arms and was staring at the fire with a look of pure unadulterated disbelief. Sanzo wished he had time to think about what to do but was interrupted by the arrival Goku.  
  
"I can't find Hakuryu so I'll get Gojyo! Sanzo!" he yelled, elbowing his way through the increasingly agitated crowd with Nyoi-bou extended, ready to pole vault up.  
  
"No Goku!" cried Hakkai, struggling against his restraints. "Stay away from there! You'll be hurt!"  
  
One of the men surrounding Sanzo grabbed the boy's staff as he leapt and slammed him down to the floor, taking advantage of Goku's distraction by Hakkai. Goku fell heavily, rolling across the sandy ground. Sanzo snatched at the boy's shirt, and yanked him upright, shielding his face against his robes. There was no way he was letting Goku see this; in nearly all ways, he was the boy's guardian and couldn't let him see such an awful sight.  
  
"Sanzo!" came Goku's muffled cry in the golden robes. "What about Gojyo?!"  
  
Sanzo cast a glance towards the fire; he couldn't see the half-breed anymore for the smoke and his eyes stung to even look. The people's cheers around him made him feel physically sick. The worst part was that he could still faintly hear the half-breed's cries over the crackles and cheers. For the first time in his life, Sanzo wished for rain.  
  
"We can't do anything." He said under his breath, hissing out a string of curses. Goku gave a wail of frustration and turned around in Sanzo's grip.  
  
"Where's Hakkai?" he asked in a choked voice.  
  
A low guttural moan made Sanzo look around to where Hakkai was still being held tight by the two guards. The wounded brunette was struggling frantically, gasping out, his face ashy white at the sight of his friend and lover being burned alive. Sanzo seethed at the sight, cursing ever coming through this town and cursed himself even more for not being able to do anything about it. Goku suddenly jerked away from his grip and stared long and hard at Hakkai, sensing something that even Sanzo could not.  
  
"He's going to take his limiters off." Said Goku sagely, pressing two shaking fingers to his own golden diadem.  
  
"What?"  
  
Sanzo glanced at Hakkai again. The green-eyed man was making inhuman noises as he heard Gojyo's fading screams; only his injuries and the two people holding him back. Sanzo remembered Hakkai and Gojyo telling him exactly how Goku had broken his own limiter before after Sanzo had been almost fatally injured, and it seemed eerily familiar now. The three cuffs on Hakkai's ear were glowing and malicious green in response to his fury. It actually seemed like a good idea; Hakkai would be physically stronger in his demon form and could bear the heat of the fire. The problem was that a heady combination of the minus wave and the fury for Gojyo was warping his intentions and there was no way of knowing what he would do, or if he would even return to his controlled form, even if he would keep control enough to rescue Gojyo.  
  
Hakkai gave a low enraged hiss and his whole body took on a strange luminescence similar to the one he took on when he summoned his energy blasts in battle. His muscles were tensing up and he was getting ready to lose his temper. Sanzo's only thought was to put the fire out before Hakkai did something stupid, the luminescence was becoming stronger and people were backing away from him.  
  
"Oh fuck." Sanzo swore and shoved the gawking Goku away. "Go and get water saru, it's the only thing we can do!"  
  
It happened so quickly that Sanzo had difficulty in following it. As Goku ran off, there was a desperate shout from Gojyo, which sounded pained even to Sanzo's ears. The flames appeared to ride higher at the cry and there was an anguished howl from Hakkai who broke free with two well-aimed kicks that sent his captors rolling. He tore off the ear cuffs and flung them away, launching himself into the air in a perfect somersault. The crowd screamed and started to scatter as Hakkai changed in midair, his ears elongating and claws growing. A dark vine-style tattoo seemed to wind around his entire body as he turned over and Sanzo swore he could see two prominent canine teeth poking through Hakkai's lip. His true youkai form. Three ear cuffs landed on the ground near Sanzo's feet and Hakkai disappeared into the smoke and flames to land deftly at Gojyo's.  
  
"Shit." Spat Sanzo drawing his gun.  
  
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A/N: Another chapter and once again thank you for the reviews. The music recommendation this time around is the song 'Try to Wish' from the Ah! My Goddess soundtrack. No good for writing angst but a truly kawaii so nonetheless. Thanks for the reviews 


	11. Chapter 11

Another update, thanks for bearing with me and apologies for any atrocious grammatical errors or spelling mistakes  
  
Disclaimers as always  
  
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The heat was blinding and Hakkai could feel his clothes smouldering as soon as he landed.  
  
"Gojyo!" he cried out, his voice cracking under the strain of the minus wave. It lashed at his mind, whispering bloodlust through his ears. He fought the bloodlust like an enemy, keeping his mind focused on Gojyo and his pain. He felt the now-familiar wash of hallucination seek to overpower him and he fought against it, refusing to give into the siren-like images that plagued his mind.  
  
"No." he hissed trying not to lose his mind to the beckoning madness. Already his subconscious was taking over, eating away at his vision. Hakkai fought to control himself.  
  
As if hearing his cries, a still-burning piece of charcoal landed on his shoulder, burning through the shirt and scorching the skin beneath. Hakkai yelped and with the sudden burst of pain, the hallucinations scattered.  
  
Hakkai then turned his attentions to his ki ability, summoning all the energy he had. He cupped his hands, ignoring all his worries and focused all his energy of his ki channelling ability that had served him well a thousand times before. All his other worries seemed to fall away leaving this one overriding will that commanded his whole body into doing this one act. He opened his whole body and mind, feeling like a caged bird who has almost been set free.  
  
*Damn this body, I want the power. Give me back my mind. I have to save Gojyo. I have to. I have to. I HAVE TO*  
  
He felt the energy starting to build within his body, as quickly as always but still excruciatingly slow for him. Every second felt like an hour but with the wondrously familiar feeling of energy surging down his arms, he forgot everything. With an impassioned shout, Hakkai felt the oh- so-familiar energy surge through his veins and free his tortured mind, his whole body coming alive. He didn't realise that this enormous building of energy was also burning away the remains of the draught and letting his mind recover in the best way possible. All Hakkai knew was that he had his abilities back right when he needed it most.  
  
Less than a second later, intense white light burst free from his hands, virtually uncontrolled and more powerful than he had ever experienced. Hakkai was taken aback by the sheer power and fought viciously to control it. He screwed up his eyes in frustration and forced his energy to form itself into a barrier, but this time a barrier that would send the flames scattering away. The raw energy lashed around him like whips and he forced it to form into the familiar shield.  
  
Amplifying his efforts with an animal roar and forcing the bloodlust of the minus wave to add fuel his power, Hakkai flung the barrier outward, determined to push the flames away. The kindling crackled and fell backwards and he forced his barrier out even further. He gritted his teeth, feeling a wash of memories return to him as he used them to strengthen his power and keep a tight grip on his sanity. Everything that had been shut away from him, everything; from the camaraderie of his companions to the memories of Kanan to the first passionate kiss he had shared with Gojyo, it all poured into this one fanatical burst of power.  
  
Hakkai made a last frantic push at the barrier, feeling the stab wound begin to throb painfully and a feeling to bloodlust prey on his mind. He whispered 'no' under his breath but the minus wave seemed intent on claiming his very soul. He forced the barrier to remain until the minus wave finally hit him good and his energy flickered out, leaving the platform free of fire. Hakkai put his trembling hands to his head and staggered a little, wheezing from the smoke. His body was suffering now and was telling him to rest and recover, but instead Hakkai forced his mind back to the current problem.  
  
"Gojyo." He cried.  
  
The redhead stirred at the noise, having mercifully passed out and lost part of his short-term memory throughout the worst of the ordeal. Gojyo couldn't remember where he was and could only feel from the waist up. Even so, the half of his body that he could feel felt so painful he was dizzy. His head swam and he couldn't hear anything other then a low persistent ringing. Gojyo reasoned that he must be dead; nothing else could explain the pain and the sense of depression racking his very soul.  
  
"Hakkai." He murmured softly and tears prickled in his eyes, knowing now he'd never see his lover again.  
  
"Gojyo." He heard a voice call to him and with years of battle-honed stamina and reflexes he jerked involuntarily trying to move his body into defence stance and in doing so realised that he wasn't dead.  
  
*I'm alive. Oh, gods, I'm alive*  
  
He heard his name called again and forced his resistant eyes to open although they stung. His blurry-eyed gaze rested on a strange youkai who was stood in front of him, claws drawn, growling incoherently and panting, with sweat pouring off it. Blood spattered its clothes and it's looked like they had been fighting or something. Gojyo swore at his ineptitude and tried to summon jakujou, knowing that no matter what had happened to him, he would never turn his back on a fight. He tried again and was confused when his numbed hands wouldn't reach out in front of him.  
  
"Shit." He murmured, feeling sick.  
  
"Gojyo!" came the raspy voice of the youkai at it came towards him. It sounded like Hakkai with a terrible cough.  
  
"M'legs ... Wha' yo don with 'kai?" He protested weakly before gasping in pain as the youkai touched his leg. "Get away fro' me." He hissed; the pain was so unbearable, like hot oil was being forced into every pore. Even being shot through the heart by Sanzo hadn't hurt this much. Gojyo felt the pain course through his body and as the black spots came back, he wondered if coming back to life had been truly worth it, if he was now going to be torn apart by this fucking ravenous youkai. His last thought was whether he'd ever see Hakkai again before his vision went totally black again.  
  
Gojyo sagged against the post and Hakkai set to work untying him, not knowing that Gojyo hadn't recognised him. The worry for Gojyo had temporarily overridden the minus wave and Hakkai felt a degree of normalcy settling over him as he inspected the bindings. However, he also knew that falling unconscious was not a good thing when Gojyo was so injured, Hakkai tugged lightly on a lock of the vermilion hair trying to keep his lover awake.  
  
"Gojyo, love, please stay with me." He said softly. "Don't go to sleep on me. We'll be out of here soon, I swear." Eyes the colour of sunset blinked open once, strained to focus then closed again. Hakkai swore briefly and then pressed his dry lips against Gojyo's, relishing the chance to do so again. Those eyes blinked open again and Gojyo seemed to smile before passing out fully with an exhausted sigh.  
  
Cursing in language that would make Sanzo blush, Hakkai raked his claws down the wooden post, shredding Gojyo's arm bindings in two swipes. The unconscious redhead pitched forwards and Hakkai caught him on his shoulder, noticing the gobs of burnt cloth that fluttered from his legs as he fell. Despite having seen an infinite number of atrocities and caused many of them, the sight of Gojyo's shins nearly burnt to the bone made his stomach churn. Mercifully, the battered – and now half-melted - boots appeared to have repelled most of the flames from his feet. Hakkai hoisted his unconscious lover into his arm; bit back another wave of anger and started to find a way of getting down from the accursed platform.  
  
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A/N: Another chapter and I promise that the next one will be longer. Thank you so much for the reviews, I love having them and really appreciate you all taking the time of read my work. Thank you so much and I will try to update quicker. ^_^ 


	12. Chapter 12

Sorry, this was meant to be posted on Saturday but other stuff happened. I have to say a massive thank for the reviews you keep giving me, I really don't deserve them, but I'm so happy that you do. The next chapter and we're nearly coming into the final stretch.  
  
Disclaimers and what not  
  
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As soon as Hakkai had leapt onto the platform, the townspeople started to flock towards it, trying to keep their sacrifice exactly that – a sacrifice. Sanzo had been forgotten in melee of people who were wrapped up in their own hysteria and he was being shoved around. He drew his gun, firing a warning shot into the air that had people stepping back from him and giving him space to move and to think.  
  
"Saru! Get here now!" he yelled at the top of his voice, not bothering to see how Hakkai was doing, the shouting crowds and screams of "fire" were telling him enough. Besides, the youkai had proven on many occasions that he could take care of himself.  
  
The boy ran up to him holding what looked to be their bags, which Sanzo had completely forgotten about in the melee. A screeching Hakuryu followed him. The dragon looked virtually unharmed but the hissy fit it was causing made Sanzo wonder just what they had done to it.  
  
"They put it in a cage." Explained the boy breathlessly, dumping the bags at Sanzo's feet. That explained the dragon's irritation and the fact it was flying around rather than perched on Goku's shoulder "Where's Hakkai?"  
  
"He's getting the kappa!" Sanze barked, shoving at the closing in crowds, more people seemed to be turning up now. "Goku, grab those damn cuffs and for gods sake don't lose them or we'll be screwed!" He was elbowed in the side and stumbled he elbowed them back, snapping. "Don't touch me!"  
  
The crowds ignored him and sought to get a better view; clamouring to see if their captive was still there and what was going on. Sanzo swore loudly over the screams and shouts, and turned back to Goku who had swept up the cuffs into a clenched fist. He opened his mouth to say something else, but a huge burst of light blinded him suddenly.  
  
"What was that?" he yelled.  
  
"It was Hakkai!" Cried Goku summoning nyoi-bou. Sanzo shielded his eyes and looked up to platform to where Hakkai was using his ki energy to create a barrier around him and Gojyo against the flames so he could pull Gojyo free.  
  
The crowds around the platform were crying out in fear and anger at the youkai who was stealing their prisoner. Some of them were even getting makeshift weaponry, ready to attack Hakkai when he climbed down. Sanzo realised that they were going to have to get moving fairly quickly if they wanted to get out of here all together and all alive. He would just have to trust that Hakkai would have enough control over his youkai form to bring Gojyo to them.  
  
"Dragon! Get here and change!" he yelled at Hakuryu who was still screeching and circling the flames, furious at its inability to help.  
  
At the call, the white creature flew back to Sanzo and changed instantly into its jeep form, revving the engine furiously. Sanzo climbed into the drivers seat and grabbed Goku by the shirt.  
  
"Get up here and be ready to move, I'm not staying here one second more than I have to!"  
  
"But Sanzo!" shouted Goku hauling himself into the backseat. "Hakkai and Gojyo!"  
  
"As soon as they get their asses back here we're leaving!" snapped Sanzo. "I'm leaving with all of you bastards!"  
  
Goku stood up in the backseat casting an eye into the crowds.  
  
"Sanzo! It's them! Get ready to leave."  
  
Sanzo turned and squinted. He saw Hakkai walking towards them, holding an unconscious Gojyo in his arms, his youkai form looking horrific against the spreading flames. The people around them were running amok, giving up on their captive and now trying to prevent the fire from destroying their town. Unwittingly the chaos that Hakkai had created was making it easier for them to escape. Jeep fired to life, ready to move.  
  
"Hakkai, get here now!" yelled Sanzo angrily.  
  
Hakkai strode up to Jeep and clutched at Gojyo, his eyes darkened and cat-like. Goku reached over to take him into the jeep. Hakkai gritted his teeth and let Goku take Gojyo off him with some difficulty. He was sweating profusely, almost panting with the effort of staying sane. Goku reached into his pocket for the ear cuffs.  
  
"Hakkai?" he asked carefully.  
  
Hakkai ignored him and gripped the side of the Jeep, fighting the bloodlust that tore at his mind. The dark vine tattoo seemed to stand out starkly against his blanched white skin and he struggled to fight the overwhelming urge to destroy the people before him. Before, the concern for and the instinct to save Gojyo had overridden his madness, but now it felt like trying to fight against quicksand. He gripped the side of the Jeep gasping in pain as he bit through his lip and let out another howl, this time in terror of the insanity gripping his mind.  
  
"Ssan – Sssanzo." He hissed, reaching out towards the drivers seat. Sanzo narrowed his eyes and held himself steady, even when Hakkai grabbed his robes and looked to throw him.  
  
Goku held out nyoi-bou in readiness, hardly believing what he was seeing.  
  
Sanzo held up a hand to ward off the anguished boy.  
  
"Leave it. Just see to Gojyo." He said roughly and stared into Hakkai's eyes. The pupils had become blank slits and Hakkai's whole body was trembling and sweating as he gripped Sanzo's robe savagely. His claws sank through the silk of Sanzo's robes and scratched the skin beneath, drawing three thin lines of blood. Sanzo honestly thought Hakkai was going to throw him from the jeep at first but instead he yanked Sanzo close until the priest was millimetres away from his face. Sanzo could see the burns already marking Hakkai's body: the bloodstained white shirt was in rags and barely clinging to him. Sanzo could see the bandages from Hakkai's stab- wound starting to seep blood.  
  
"Help me. My cuffs. I can't ... control myself ... Help." Hakkai hissed in a low gravely voice, so far away from his normal gentle tenor. He clung to Sanzo's robes like a drowning man and Sanzo wanted to punch his lights out for even daring to touch him. However, he had enough sense to know that Hakkai could easily kill him right now and there was still a rational part of Hakkai somewhere in there. He had taken those cuffs off before and put them back on just as easily. Sanzo kept staring into Hakkai's blank youkai eyes using the same test of wills he had used on the bear back at the monastery when he was younger and reached out his hand to a distraught Goku.  
  
"Let. Go. Of. Me. You. Psycho." He hissed at Hakkai with unwavering intensity. Hakkai blinked in confusion and slackened his grip, regaining a modicum of control over himself. "Give me the cuffs, Goku." He snapped.  
  
Goku passed them over and Sanzo reached out with them ready to clip them onto Hakkai's ear.  
  
"No ... get away from me." Hakkai snapped suddenly jerking away, losing what little control he had had over himself. He dragged Sanzo out of Jeep with him in a blind fury. The irrational, animalistic determination to remain full youkai commanded that he should kill anyone who tried to restrain him as Hakkai followed it blindly, too exhausted to fight against it any longer. He flung the monk forwards determined to slam him down onto the floor. Sanzo landed deftly on one foot and pivoted around on it with the grace of a dancer. He grabbed Hakkai's arm and spun him too, intending to lay him out by the momentum alone.  
  
The human-turned-youkai was far stronger than him and dug his heels in lashing out with a clawed hand. Sanzo knew he'd do this and used Hakkai's resistance and gravity against him, using his weight to fling Hakkai over him whilst he skidded along the floor and leapt back up to his feet. Clawed fingers slipped harmlessly over silken robes and Sanzo reached down for his gun. Enraged, Hakkai spun and grabbed Sanzo by the robes again, hurling him against a wall and held him there and letting a pointed tongue slide slowly across his cracked lips. As Sanzo's head hit stone, the Smith and Wesson dropped form his hand and landed on the floor. Sanzo cursed and then gagged as Hakkai gripped him by the throat. He hissed and lashed out furiously, still clutching the three ear clips in a curled fist. Hakkai's hands gripped even tighter, intending to squeeze the life out of him.  
  
Suddenly there was a shout of 'Sanzo!' behind him and Hakkai was hauled backwards and flung away by Goku as Sanzo dropped to the floor panting. The boy was furious at this slight on his guardian and all the more determined to bring his crazed companion down to the floor. Hakkai glared and gave a growl of annoyance lashing out at Goku. The boy nimbly vaulted into the air with nyoi-bou and slid part of the way down using his body weight to kick Hakkai in the back with his booted feet. The youkai fell to the floor and rolled onto his side. Goku then leapt on him before Hakkai had the chance to move. Hakkai gave a furious cry, acting with the ferocity of a cornered animal and bucked against the weight. However, Goku fought against him and managed to pinion Hakkai to the floor putting his weight on each limb.  
  
"Stop struggling Hakkai." Yelled Goku angrily struggling to fight against Hakkai's furious thrashing.  
  
"Hold his head still so I can get the cuffs on." Snapped Sanzo.  
  
Goku manoeuvred nyoi-bou around and used it to keep Hakkai's head to one side, keeping him still. Hakkai yelled in frustration and twisted his body against the restraints, but Goku held firm. Hakkai bared his pronounced canines and snapped furiously, which didn't stop Sanzo reaching down and clipping the three silver clips onto his left ear.  
  
Hakkai shuddered and his body seemed to spasm. He gave a low moan and lay still, closing his eyes and breathing heavily. His ears shrank and the vine tattoo delicately unwound from his body as if untying him. Goku clambered off him and Hakkai relaxed, gasping great long breaths. Sanzo thought he'd gone to sleep at first but then he jerked upright, his eyes snapping open.  
  
"Oh gods!" he swore suddenly. Thankfully his green eyes were focused and steady. "What did I do?!" He turned to a silently furious Sanzo and a distressed-looking Goku. "I am so sorry."  
  
"Enough with your damn apologies and heal that stupid kappa." Snapped Sanzo.  
  
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A/N: I did promise a happy ending and I will adhere to it goddamn it! Once again a massive thank you to everyone how has reviewed me, and big apologies about the spelling mistakes. The music recommendation this time is surprisingly Initial D's Night of Fire; okay I don't like the anime or the Manga but with this song I can get up to 55 words a minute. 


	13. Chapter 13

Off we go again, standard disclaimer as always.  
  
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Hakkai scrambled to his feet and stumbled over to Gojyo, tears shimmering in his eyes and guilt eating away at him.  
  
*I hurt them. I lost control. It should have never have happened. How will they ever be able to forgive me? Must I be always punished like this? I must always lose those I love through my own fault?*  
  
He climbed back into the jeep and saw his unconscious lover lying in the back seats where Goku had laid him. Gojyo looked like a puppet with its strings cut, Hakkai gave a low moan of distress and knelt beside him, squeezing his body into the backseat to get a better look. He stumbled a little as he did so, grasping the spare tire for support, nearly falling back out as Sanzo fired up the Jeep. Goku leapt into the seat next to Sanzo and Hakkai dimly heard him talking about a copse of trees he could see. Jeep responded with a ferocious roar of the engine, just as concerned for his companions' safety. Sanzo then set off at a dangerous speed, getting them away from the wretched town to a place of safety.  
  
Hakkai ignored the bumpy journey and carefully started inspecting Gojyo's injuries, trying hard not to let the prickling tears fall from his eyes. Thankfully, Gojyo was still breathing, each breath a long drawn-out rasp of discomfort that pulled at Hakkai's heart every time he heard it. He fought to ignore the sound and gingerly pulled at the mangled pieces of cloth that stubbornly clung to skin so he could begin to clear the areas that desperately needed healing.  
  
Jeep hit another bump as Sanzo started to drive towards the clump of trees in the shade of some rocks that Goku had pointed out. Gojyo moaned as the movement jarred the wounds on his legs and Hakkai gasped as his stomach wound began to throb again; he ran his finger across the tattered dressing and felt a slight stickiness. Goku poked his head between the seats at the sounds of pain.  
  
"Hakkai?! Are you okay?" he asked, looking at the brunette's sweat-shiny face and reddened fingertips. Hakkai nodded wearily.  
  
"We need water and a clean cloth." He said, pulling away another burnt gob of fabric from Gojyo's leg and flicking it away in distaste.  
  
Sanzo ground Jeep to a halt in a clearing near to a small river and Goku leapt out of the Jeep bearing a water bottle. Sanzo leaned back between the seats.  
  
"We're out of trouble, you can start." He snapped. "What do you need?"  
  
"Goku's getting water." Murmured Hakkai. "There's a first aid kit in the glove box for some bandages or something." Hakkai's head spun with worry and he struggled to think about what he would need next.  
  
Goku ran back and handed over a bottle of water to Hakkai who nodded his thanks. Sanzo thrust another empty bottle at the boy.  
  
"Go get more water." He said coolly, rummaging for the first-aid kit. Goku ran to the river without another word.  
  
Hakkai ignored them and tipped the water over the redhead's legs, hoping it would be enough to cleanse the area for now. He then concentrated on summoning his ki energy for healing. It came to him easily now, pale white light enveloping his hands like gloves. He breathed out carefully and set to work relieved that he was feeling well enough to do this. Glowing fronds of light spread from his hands and gently enveloped Gojyo's legs.  
  
Hakkai fought to brush away his overwhelming sense of guilt and let his ki abilities take over his mind, leaving his own mental worries for later. He sent the healing light coasting down Gojyo's right leg, forcing ruined flesh to start regenerating and knit itself together. When it struggled to respond, he offered his own strength to help, letting Gojyo's body take it eagerly. He repeated the process on the left leg, letting the skeins of light soothe burning flesh and pull together eaten muscle, leaving evil dark red stripes. Hakkai silently moved his hands up, forcing his own body to give up more energy to healing Gojyo and concentrating this time on his lungs, which were clogged with smoke. He let the green light absorb itself into Gojyo's skin, past his muscles and into the lungs, letting the healing power spread itself over his lungs like a spiders web that gathered smoke to it and let it seep through Gojyo's pores. He then took hold of Gojyo's hands and let his energy flow into the redhead who appeared to be stirring.  
  
*I will do this. Gojyo is my friend and my lover and will not die*  
  
"Sanzo?" asked Goku, tugging lightly at Sanzo's sleeve.  
  
"What?" answered Sanzo staring not at Goku but out at the horizon as if he expected an army of angry people demanding their sacrifice back any second now.  
  
"Is Gojyo going to die?" asked Goku with wide golden eyes.  
  
The monk looked back at the jeep where green light was still emanating from the backseat. He heard a gasp of frustration from Hakkai and started striding towards the jeep with his gun drawn.  
  
"No he's not, but I think Hakkai might if he keeps going at this fucking rate."  
  
Sanzo reached Jeep before Goku and grabbed Hakkai by the shoulder shaking him out of the trance.  
  
"Gods damn it, Hakkai!" he shouted. "You've done enough, stop it."  
  
Hakkai slung his hand away.  
  
"No. Leave me. He's still hurt." Hakkai snapped. More green light was summoned, this time tracing its way back down Gojyo's legs, having given the body a little time to rest, before he could continue. He repeated his attentions to put together more skin and muscle, following each wound with his fingers as if he was working with the finest silk.  
  
Hakkai then let out a shallow cry and Sanzo went to pull him away again. Every time Hakkai summoned his healing powers, he gave up his own life energy to do it. Sanzo had seen him collapse after healing Gojyo from the gunshot wound that had destroyed the seed planted by Chin Isou. Now he was going beyond that, he was going to kill himself so he could save another. Sanzo grabbed his shoulder and Hakkai slung him away again, but with far less strength than before. Sanzo noticed the green light had become weaker and paler. He also saw Hakkai's nose was bleeding now, dripping onto Gojyo's leg and mingling with Gojyo's own blood. Hakkai was using so much of his own life energy that his already-weakened blood vessels were starting to burst.  
  
"Hakkai." Sanzo said coldly, climbing into the Jeep next to Hakkai "You don't need to do anymore." He reached into his sleeve and drew out his fan ready to slap the healer into the next decade at his flagrant waste of ki.  
  
"No, Sanzo! I will do this!" Hakkai shouted back, almost bent double now, as if he was finding it difficult to breathe. Although Hakkai's efforts meant that, the wounds on Gojyo's legs were almost fully closed by now.  
  
"You're going to fucking kill yourself!" snapped Sanzo  
  
"I don't care!" came the panted and rasped reply. "I will not let someone else die because of me!"  
  
Sanzo was about to tell Goku to knock the increasingly-anguished Hakkai out when a pink recently-healed hand gripped the healer's shirt that was hanging onto his body by bare threads alone. The green light blinked out and Hakkai stared down at Gojyo who was staring back, his eyes burning like rubies out of his smudged face.  
  
"Fucking stop it." Croaked Gojyo hoarsely.  
  
"Gojyo!" cried Hakkai, clasping the hand gratefully: beads of sweat were running down his face and mingling with the blood oozing from the corner of his mouth. Gojyo heaved his whole body upright and stared at Hakkai who tilted his head checking his for any more injuries. Gojyo then saw the blood now dripping from his ears onto his shoulders.  
  
"Shit, Hakkai! What have you done?!"  
  
Hakkai didn't hear him. The whole world was going hazy now and he couldn't really hear anymore. He saw Sanzo mouth something and felt Gojyo grip his trembling hand that he tried to raise to his lips to kiss. Hakkai didn't understand the concern, just felt like he was floating away from them and that this was all perfectly normal. However, this time there were no awful hallucinations to accompany and torment him, just that wonderful feeling of total exhaustion taking up his body and mind and dropping him gently into the comforts of darkness.  
  
"Hakkai?" asked Gojyo softly, his voice choked up with worry.  
  
The brunette didn't reply, he had fallen back into Sanzo's arm, head lolling back with the faint hint of a smile remaining on his still face.  
  
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A/N: Another chapter up. Thanks for sticking with me, those people who have been following. Music recommendation this time is Gravitation's Blind Game Again. A very funky song. Review me as well if you would be so kind. 


	14. Chapter 14

Sorry about lack of updates for anyone who's interested, I got hit in the face with a pile of work and have been trying to dig out.  
  
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"What did the healer say?" asked Gojyo a few days later, looking longingly at Sanzo's cigarette. He had been banned from smoking for the next few days as his lungs recovered from the smoke inhalation and was already missing it badly.  
  
"That Hakkai's actually going to be okay, just a much longer recovery period than usual because he did a number on himself. Compensation for saving your sorry ass."  
  
To Sanzo's surprise, Gojyo didn't come back with a caustic response this time. He just hung his head, hiding in the mass of hair that now had had the frazzled ends chopped off. The only visible signs of his injuries were the look of sunburn over him, an uncomfortable way of walking due to the bandages on his legs and slightly padded wrist wraps that protected almost-healed rope burns.  
  
"I know. I feel shit enough already. No need to rub it in." he said quietly and turned to look at Sanzo. "D'you ever think that there will every be a point where people don't see this when they see me." He pulled a lock of red hair that shined in the sunlight that streamed through the window.  
  
"You never stop whinging about that do you, damn kappa?" snapped Sanzo crossly puffing out a stream of grey smoke. "The bakasaru wants to actually go back and teach them a lesson, you know." He said disinterestedly.  
  
Gojyo blinked in surprise at Goku's gung-ho nature. Of course, Gojyo himself had had many thoughts of revenge whilst recovering and found he just didn't have the stomach for it anymore.  
  
"I told him to just leave the whole thing alone." Carried on Sanzo. "They were a bunch of backwards racist bastards who wouldn't learn a lesson regardless of being dead or alive. Besides, in case you forgot, we are actually on a mission you know."  
  
Gojyo nodded, despite stringing out more curses than even he knew and acting nothing like the priest he was supposed to be, occasionally Sanzo could come up with pearls of wisdom.  
  
"I just thought I was over that kind of thing." Gojyo answered. "With the minus wave an' all I thought they'd be too busy with mad youkais than anything else."  
  
"Stop whining." Sanzo snapped roughly, although without the cold edge he normally implied when he was being condescending. "Those crackpots might have gone for you back there but why don't you just be fucking thankful that someone actually turned up to pull you back." He stubbed out the cigarette. "Feeling sorry for yourself does fuck all."  
  
Gojyo didn't reply, knowing that he was right. Sanzo flicked ash and carried on.  
  
"As soon as Hakkai's up, we're leaving." He said coolly. "I don't want those fucked up people coming here on your trail. The whole damn bunch, were backwards enough to think you were a threat and they probably don't like letting go of things. Besides, we're falling behind as it is, without your personal lives slowing us down any more." He rustled the paper and gestured to the bags with an unopened bottle of beer. "Go find the Jeep and load it up."  
  
Before Gojyo could bite back a sarcastic remark about self-righteous monks and their fondness for making others do the work, Goku barrelled into the room with more vigour than usual, pulling on his shoulder armour and cape.  
  
"Sanzo!" he cried out happily.  
  
A vein throbbed at Sanzo's temple and before he could bring his fan down on Goku's head, the boy piped up, ducking to avoid the swing of the fan.  
  
"Wait! Hakkai's awake! He says we can go in a bit! He's okay to drive!" he squawked.  
  
The fan swiped past the boy's ear and Sanzo settled back with his newspaper with a muttered 'tch' and reached for his cigarette.  
  
"Fine, get ready to leave." He said, somewhat warmer than usual, refusing to ever admit that he had been worried about the green-eyed youkai.  
  
Gojyo levered himself out of the chair, the bulky layers of bandages wrapped around his knees and calves making it difficult for him to move normally. However, the healers they had seen had informed him that the delicate restructuring that Hakkai had done needed constant support and moisture for a few days to stop it splitting. He turned to Goku.  
  
"You sure he's up?" he asked seriously. Goku blinked up at him, not sure what to make of the intensity in the half-breed's crimson eyes.  
  
"Yeh, he was out of bed and everything. Wanted to know what happened because he couldn't really remember everything." He said happily. "Said we could get some food later too."  
  
Gojyo smiled and started to go towards the door.  
  
"Thanks saru!" He said awkwardly. He snuck a look at Sanzo who had his back to them now and was in the process of lighting another cigarette and grabbing a beer. He couldn't resist, he leaned down to Goku "Sanzo said something about going out for a huge dinner before we left, saru." He said in a hushed voice that only Goku could hear.  
  
"Don't call me saru you demented erokapp ... what? ... Sanzo!" he leapt over to his guardian and Gojyo left the room to the sounds of joyful yelps, fan- swiping, yelling and swearing.  
  
Gojyo closed the door and started to move down the corridor. A pretty young thing carrying a pile of clean sheets and a basket of soap and other toiletries walked towards him and he flashed his most flirtatious smile at her. She slowed and smiled back, just a hint of blush appearing on her cheeks. Gojyo stopped her completely with a hand on her arm.  
  
"Hey beautiful, you wouldn't happen to know where the fourth member of our party is – the one who's been out of it these last few days – would you? The guy with the green eyes." he asked sweetly, not knowing where Hakkai's room now was.  
  
The woman gave a smile.  
  
"Of course." She answered. "Just down there on the left. He was asking for you earlier." She giggled. "The handsome one, he said."  
  
Gojyo gave her another smile and walked off towards the room, heart thumping about what he would see in there. He hadn't seen Hakkai at all since they arrived at the inn. He had spent the whole relatively short journey here cradling his unconscious lover in his arms whilst Sanzo had been driving with an air of supreme confidence that was completely belied by his demonic sense of speed and lack of control. They had arrived at the next town; thankfully both larger and more cosmopolitan than the hell they had just left. More thankfully, the town had also boasted an incredibly basic yet serviceable infirmary.  
  
Gojyo remembered bursting into the building holding Hakkai, feeling both nauseous and tingly all over. It had been left to Sanzo to describe the problem and flash his credit card whilst Hakkai had been whisked out of his arms by a couple of nurses who had borne him away for special care. Gojyo had then been led in the opposite direction by a healer, much to his protests about seeing what was going to happen to Hakkai. The healer had ignored his protests, inspected his half-healed injuries, bound them up and them given him a glass of water that he had stupidly drank, realising minutes later that it was a sedative.  
  
Gojyo only remembered waking up in the inn swathed in bandages with Goku looking at him with unblinking golden eyes and Sanzo chain-smoking his way through a pack of Marlboro's. The moody priest had then explained that Hakkai was fine, just in solitary confinement while his body recovered lost life energy. This had told Gojyo nothing and he was afraid just what kind of state – both mentally and physically – his lover was in. He gingerly opened the door that the maid had pointed to and let himself in.  
  
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Hakkai wasn't there. It was a small room and there was a bed with slightly rumpled sheets, but with no Hakkai in or near it. Gojyo's heart dropped into his boots and an eerie sense of deja-vu crept over him. He panicked and went into the room fully, calling out for his lover.  
  
"Fuck ... no ... Not again ... Hakkai!"  
  
He saw the open window and it's blowing curtains and ran to it. He threw it open fully and stared out of it, his crimson eyes scanning the view for any sign of the errant patient. His eye finally rested on a familiar figure sitting – or could it be lying? – against a tree, only yards from the window.  
  
Giving a cry of worry and feeling unheeded tears sting his eyes and flow down his face, Gojyo threw all caution over his own injuries to the wind and climbed out of the window, making his way to Hakkai as fast as he could, holding out hope that nothing was wrong.  
  
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A/N: I promise I'm not going around again. Thanks for sticking with me and sorry that it was late. Keep reviewing if you have been I really like having them ^_^ oh and it's be Saiyuki Music Revisited this month so that's a recommendation. 


	15. Chapter 15

Last chapter and I am really sad to see it go. I have really enjoyed writing this despite its distraction from my work and hope you have enjoyed reading it too. Thanks for the reviews and hope you like the extra-long last bit.  
  
Bloodied Rain  
  
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The brunette was sat against the tree drinking in the air and the sunshine and letting the breeze ruffle his hair. He had been entranced by the blue sky he could see from his bed as he had woken. The realisation of stuffiness and warmth of the little room had provoked him to rise from his bed despite being ordered to rest and go to the window. The realisation then that there was a pleasant little clearing immediately outside his window made him long to breathe clean air with no traces of smoke. He had then thrown up the sash and climbed out of the window, each movement letting cramped muscles relax and fall into their naturally graceful movements.  
  
Hakkai had kicked off his shoes and socks, and then settled himself against a tree half in sun and half in shade. He was intending to enjoy a few moments peace before Goku returned with their bags and Sanzo was demanding him to start driving again. Hakuryu had also followed him out of the window and had curled up next to his master, enjoying a brief bought of sunbathing before it turned back into Jeep form, especially enjoying the fact that Hakkai was scratching its head also. The dragon purred contentedly under his ministrations and Hakkai felt relaxed by the unspoken affection.  
  
This pleasantry was infinitely comparable to staying asleep. He knew he was supposed to be resting, but he couldn't escape the smoke-and-flame- infested dreams that sought to taunt him. Despite Goku's constant reassurances that Gojyo was perfectly fine, Hakkai couldn't get rid of the mental image of his lover burning out of his mind. That was another reason why he was out here; he desperately needed to calm down before he sought out his lover. He knew how much Gojyo worried and knew that if he didn't calm down, he would become hysterical. He decided that he would let Hakuryu rest a little longer, then go and find Gojyo in a while...  
  
...But Gojyo found him first. The redhead came pelting towards him like a hurricane, limping a little and with crimson strands of hair flying about him. He fell to his knees in front of Hakkai, gasping out profanities and exclamations of worry. Tears rolled uncontrolled down his handsome face that was now contorted with fear and anguish. Hakkai was shocked and all thoughts of him trying to stay calm were overridden by his protective instincts.  
  
"Gojyo! ... Your wounds! ... Oh, Gojyo what's wrong?! ..." he asked frantically holding his arms out. Gojyo fell into them, running his hands all over the brunette checking that it was indeed him and he wasn't injured.  
  
"Don't do that again!" Gojyo cried out, his voice touching frenzy levels. "Fuck, Hakkai! You don't know what I thought just now." He gulped in a breath and placed his hands either side of Hakkai's face, examining him properly. "Are you alright?"  
  
Hakkai frowned in confusion but revelled in the warmth of Gojyo's hands against his cheeks.  
  
"Yes, of course." He said calmly, soothingly. Gojyo's fierce stare still didn't stop although his tears had stopped flowing. "I'm feeling a little tired but the doctor said that was to be expected." He took hold of one of Gojyo's hands. "Come, sit, you look like you've seen a ghost."  
  
Gojyo didn't reply, just leaned in for a kiss, letting his lips rest softly on Hakkai's own, just checking once again that it was him and he was real. Hakkai gave a serene sigh against his kiss and Gojyo pulled back to swipe away the remaining tears.  
  
"How are you feeling?" asked Hakkai breathlessly, running his fingers down Gojyo's face.  
  
The redhead raked his hair back with trembling hands.  
  
"Aside from you giving me the fright of my life, I think I'm alright. Don't ever do that to me again!" He exclaimed, then reached over and nudged the dozing dragon who was utterly unaware of Gojyo and Hakkai's frantic discussions. "Hey dragon, Sanzo wants you ready to roll by the way."  
  
Hakuryu lifted its head and blinked it's ruby eyes sleepily looking at Hakkai for confirmation. Hakkai ran his hand over the soft fur and tickled it under the chin. "Better follow that, you know how Sanzo gets." He said softly. The dragon opened its wings, fluttered a little way into the air and then took off, heading back through the window. Hakkai watched him go and then turned back to Gojyo. He kissed the redhead softly and Gojyo sank down to sit next to him.  
  
"You really did a number on yourself this time." Said Gojyo softly letting his fingers dance across his lover's neck and shoulders, he didn't want to break the touch. Hakkai leaned against him.  
  
"I know, but I could hardly have sat back and done nothing. Gojyo, it was truly awful seeing you there." He looked down at the tan-fabric pants. "How are your legs now?"  
Gojyo scratched at one of bandages.  
  
"Itchy and tingly." He said. "You did a great job. They've been bandaged up with this squishy cream now to stop the skin from splitting." Hakkai nodded.  
  
"That's good." He said, "You do look a little burnt though." He added, looking at the skin of Gojyo's shoulders that were tinted pink. Gojyo gave a half-hearted grin, which then became serious. He had to know why. He just had to know why Hakkai had tried to kill himself. It was bllody stupid if Hakkai expected him to forget.  
  
"I suppose... Why'd you do that, Hakkai?" he asked, leaning his head against the brunette's. "You nearly died."  
  
The brunette looked thoughtful  
  
"But I didn't." he said. "My body went into shutdown for a day or so simply to recover my energy, not even Goku could have awoken me." He squeezed Gojyo's hand with another reassuring smile.  
  
Gojyo looked uncomfortable, that was not what he wanted to talk about but he didn't know how to approach it, especially when his heart with threatening to break out of his chest.  
  
"How's your wound?" he asked softly, letting his hand drift down towards the scar hoping that his lover would take the hint and start talking. Hakkai jerked slightly and stared down at his green shirt, beneath which was a simple dressing.  
  
"It's been stitched up properly now and there was no infection." He reported faithfully. "It wasn't as deep as was first thought and it seems to be healing well."  
  
Gojyo gave a sigh at his failure and leaned over to kiss Hakkai again, this time letting his tongue reach out for Hakkai's own. Hakkai responded in kind and they held each other close for a moment, Hakkai's hands coming out to snake around Gojyo's neck and Gojyo's hands finding places on the healer's waist and back pulling him in closer. They remained that way a little longer, just enjoying the sensation of a deep, good and much-missed kiss. When Gojyo drew away, he could see the familiar twinkles back in Hakkai's emerald eyes.  
  
"What was that for?" asked Hakkai, a little breathless.  
  
Gojyo didn't answer, just went back to his original position of sitting next to Hakkai, worrying his bottom lip with his teeth. He couldn't get the picture of Hakkai lying in the rain, bleeding heavily from a self-inflicted stab wound, telling him to leave, out of his mind. Hakkai wasn't taking any of his hints to start talking either. He then realised that there would never be a good time and came out with what he wanted to say.  
  
"Hey Hakkai, you gonna tell me what happened out there?" he said offhandedly, rummaging for cigarettes, then remembering he couldn't smoke. He mentally cursed as he saw that Sanzo had seen to this and taken all the hi-lites out of the packet already. No doubt the bastard would smoke them all himself rather than give them back. He dropped the packet aimlessly.  
  
Green eyes blinked at him.  
  
"Out where?"  
  
"In the gardens at that god-awful place. You and the knife." Gojyo's ruby eyes turned sorrowful. "You were crying, something about lies and Kanan, and you told me to leave when I tried to help you and that I wasn't supposed to be there. You said it was the right time to die... After everything we've been through, Hakkai? You tried to kill yourself." He said in a rush. Hakkai looked thoughtful. "Why, Hakkai? It's been killing me, I've been so worried."  
  
Hakkai breathed out a breath he didn't realise he had been holding and drew his legs up, resting his arms on them. Gojyo's face looked like it could shatter at any moment.  
  
"That draught they put into the wine I drank had a hallucinogenic effect on me." He said softly, trying to fathom out a way of explaining this sensibly. "When I told the doctors about it they said that that town is famous for exporting a kind of drug which the locals here call the lunacy tonic, it's crushed henbane, nightshade and opium, amongst other things, then brewed into a heavily concentrated tonic. Usually only a bit is used in food. The doctors seemed convinced that I was given almost a whole bottle, due to the extreme reactions."  
  
He looked at Gojyo; the redhead was hanging onto his every word with widened scarlet eyes. However, realising that Gojyo didn't want to hear a complete biology lesson right now, he went back to his original explanation.  
  
"Anyway the drug created false memories and erased other ones, in its normal dose it usually just makes people forget their worries, like a mental relaxant, but the overdose seemed to send me mad, possibly because I'm youkai. It made me think false thoughts, about Kanan, about my past, even about you." He took hold of his lover's hand and squeezed it. "I am truly sorry it happened."  
  
Gojyo looked anywhere between upset and angry and looked ready to leave much to Hakkai's brief dismay. He raised himself up but manoeuvred his body so that he was sat with Hakkai resting between his legs. He then enfolded his lover in a protectively warm embrace as much for his own protection as Hakkai's. He rested his lips near Hakkai's left ear, breathing gently on the cuffs and silently motioned the brunette to continue. Hakkai relaxed a little into his arms, glad that Gojyo hadn't left.  
  
"I thought that everything I had with Kanan was false and forgot so many memories both happy and sad. I only remember wanting to end it all in the garden and thinking that this would somehow make it all better. I thought you didn't care about me and when we were imprisoned, I kept having visions where you left me too." Hakkai drew in a breath that sounded heavy and guilt-filled and danced his fingers along Gojyo's leg feeling the bandages yield beneath his touch. "During the worst times, I couldn't even remember who any of you were; you were all just voices in my head, saying things I didn't understand, or want to understand." He stared blankly ahead, his eyes stinging with unshed tears. "I lost myself, Gojyo and there were points where I thought I wouldn't come back. I am so sorry." His voice faltered and he leaned back against Gojyo's warm chest, breathing in the distinct scent of tobacco, warm fabric and metal that was unique to him.  
  
Gojyo wrapped his arms tighter around Hakkai and also breathed in his scent. It was fresh like water but with hints of soap, cold air and trees.  
  
"But you did come back." He said softly into Hakkai's hair hoping that this wouldn't add to the long list of deeds Hakkai felt he needed to do penance for. "Hey, you may have thought all that stuff, but you now know it's not true. You did love her, with one hell of a passion. Although it didn't end well, it wasn't your fault, and before that even happened, you had happy times with her. As for me..." he paused and felt the muscles Hakkai's shoulders tighten. "I'm not leaving you ever now." He gave a grin. "Hey, you saved my life, I can't repay you by leaving, can I? And who's gonna remember to feed the saru and most importantly, who's going to stop us murdering Sanzo-sama when he gets onto that god-damned soapbox of his and waving that gun around." He kissed the pale skin at Hakkai's neck, determined to wrench a real smile from the brunette.  
  
Hakkai gave a weak smile but his eyes still shone.  
  
"I guess it was atonement," He continued "One side of my mind was telling me how guilty I should be and how I should end it all and the other side was lucid and screaming at me to gain some sense." He sighed.  
  
"Hey, at least you came back to me." Gojyo said and decided now would be perfect to change the subject before his lover became too melancholy. There would be another time that would be more appropriate for him to tell Hakkai that he loved him. Not now. Besides, if he didn't see it already then Hakkai needed a lot more than that monocle. "Are you okay to drive because our Sanzo-sama will throw an absolute fit if we stay here much longer." He asked.  
  
Hakkai stretched gently in his embrace, flexing his hands and stretching his legs with the air of someone who has slept a lot longer than they usually do.  
  
"Yes, I'm sure I can drive." He said softly and leaned back, enjoying the embrace while it lasted; he and Gojyo never seemed to find time alone these days.  
  
As if to prove his silent thought correct there was the sound of feet: the slow steps of Sanzo and the loud thumps of Goku as they stepped off the porch of the inn. Gojyo sighed.  
  
"Bakasaru!" came a distant shout. "Get in the damn jeep and shut up! Where's that fucking kappa? We have to leave! Hakkai get here now!" he sounded as irritated as usual. It was always amusing when Sanzo was REALLY irritated. It was almost a gauge to see how worried he had been about his companions.  
  
Gojyo gave a rueful grin and raised himself up behind Hakkai.  
  
"I think that was our wake-up call." He said, stepped around Hakkai and then rested on his heels to face his lover at eye-level. He felt a weight lift from his shoulders now he knew what had really happened, and saw that Hakkai's green eyes were calm and focused directly on him with their usual intensity. "Hey 'Kai? You comin? Are you sure you're okay to drive?" he added with a glance of concern.  
  
Hakkai leaned over and kissed him on the lips, lingering just a little longer than he intended.  
  
"Yes, I'm pretty sure I can drive, Nurse Gojyo." Said Hakkai sitting back against the tree and closing his eyes with a sly smile. "As long as I don't sleep alone tonight."  
  
Gojyo gave a drawn-out chuckle and winked at him. Hakkai gave a genuine smile of delight, glad that he had cheered up his lover.  
  
"Of course." Gojyo responded. "You can be guaranteed of that much, Nurse Gojyo always does the best for his patients." He looked Hakkai up and down, his gaze one of obvious desire. "Just don't be expecting the little hat and the dress routine, I forgot to pack them."  
  
"Oh dear, I suppose I'll make do with what I've got then," answered Hakkai coyly. Gojyo grinned and pushed himself up onto his feet, feeling the creams under his bandages squish happily.  
  
"You coming, then?" He asked holding out a helping hand.  
  
A pair of relaxed green eyes gazed back at him full of the familiar love and devotion. Gods how he'd missed that look. Those eyes seemed to go on forever and they could tell you everything or nothing. Gojyo had once scorned the idea of eyes being the window to the soul, but looking at Hakkai's now he had been wrong.  
  
"I'll just be a few more minutes." Hakkai said softly, breaking the moment. Gojyo nodded, then bent down, squeezing his lover's shoulders and dropped the softest of kisses on his forehead.  
  
"'kay, but don't be long, I'll worry." He said gently. Hakkai gave him another genuine smile.  
  
"I'll always come back to you." He murmured softly. Gojyo gave the tenderest smile Hakkai had ever seen as he eased himself up again and slowly put one hand on his heart as if in pain. Hakkai saw the unspoken message and echoed the gesture with his own hand. He stared into the widened scarlet eyes and gave the most imperceptible nod of agreement. It didn't need to be spoken, they just knew. At this silent declaration of love, Gojyo turned to go and for the first time in over four years of knowing him, Hakkai saw the redhead blush as he left.  
  
Hakkai beamed in pleasure then reached down for his shoes and socks getting ready to go. As he did so, noticed that Gojyo had left an empty cigarette carton where he had been sitting. He picked it up and put it in his pocket meaning to depose of it later. He then finished pulling on his socks and slid each shoe on carefully so as to make driving more comfortable. He then wrapped his arms around his knees and gazed all around him on final time. It was indeed a beautiful day, even more so now he had witnessed that truly touching gesture of Gojyo's and had finally had chance to reciprocate his feelings. Hakkai looked up at the blue sky, almost everything had been put to rest. Almost everything.  
  
"Hey, I'm sorry." He said softly. "I know how hurtful those thoughts must have been to you, but I will never forget you. The memory of you will always burn strong in my heart, I swear. I only ask you to let Gojyo in too; he has become special to me. You know I never liked being alone." He bowed his head and closed his eyes. "Forgive me."  
  
A calm and gentle breeze swept across the road and through the trees, ruffling grasses and leaves and setting branches swaying gently. The breeze shook free several pale pink cherry blossoms. Hakkai felt the breeze gently caress his cheek almost like a hand and a single bloom landed on his knee standing out like a pale pink kiss-mark against the beige material. He smiled and picked up the delicate flower, cradling it in his hands like the most precious of diamonds.  
  
"Thank you." He said softly, and with a sudden thought, drew out the cigarette carton. He then reached into his other pocket and pulled out the broken pocket watch he carried as a talisman and treasured keepsake of the woman he had loved. He slid the watch into the cigarette carton and then placed the delicate cherry blossom in too, creating a little packet of treasures. He then closed the box and drew in the mingled scents and raised himself up, walking through the trees and over to Jeep that was ready to go.

"Kyu!" It called out.  
  
"Hakkai! Where have you been! Make Gojyo give me back my meat buns! The stupid erokappa keeps taking them!"  
  
"Shut it saru! Hakkai get in here and tell this badly-dressed ape that if he eats anymore he'll burst and tell him not to call me a gods-damned erokappa!"  
  
"Hakkai, get in this jeep and drive up to a cliff so I can throw these idiots off it!"  
  
Hakkai smiled and got into the drivers seat. It felt so natural to be sat here with these people.  
  
"West again?" he asked chirpily, smiling warmly at those around him.  
  
"Funny." Replied Sanzo. "You shouldn't hang around with yourself if you're gonna start on jokes like that." However his whole demeanour visibly relaxed at seeing Hakkai acting like himself.  
  
"Don't worry, Sanzo." Said Hakkai with a grin, eyeing Gojyo lounging in the backseat in the mirror, the redhead winked at him. "I don't think I could even if I wanted to."  
  
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A/N: Aww man, it's finished sings requiem mass. I'm gonna miss it, but I have another one in the works. Hope you've enjoyed reading it and I always appreciate reviews so if you could that'd be cool. I won't recommendation any soundtrack songs because I have been daft this time and have been listening to all the recent Eurovision Song Contests entries. May the stars shine on cheesy music. Thank you everybody!


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